tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-68877999808781519972024-02-18T21:14:21.388-07:00Whistling in the DarkSwiggyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12188278874487555848noreply@blogger.comBlogger59125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6887799980878151997.post-80812433273899649832010-08-18T21:07:00.001-06:002010-08-18T21:07:44.882-06:00This sucks!I'm at work right now. I can't concentrate at all. <br /><br />My dog had surgery this morning to remove a mass on his side. When the vet opened him up he said that he was pretty certain it was cancerous, and that it was pretty invasive. What that means for the time being, I don't know. The mass is being sent off for testing to determine the type and severity of the cancer. We won't have results for a few days. <br /><br />We adopted this dog from the pound 10 years ago (almost to the day!) when he was 2 months old. He's older than our children. I knew he wasn't going to last much longer, but he hasn't been acting like anything is wrong. <br /><br />In fact, the only reason we brought him to the vet is because, what we had been told a few months earlier was just a lipoma and nothing to worry about, had changed size and texture drastically over the last week. <br /><br />It's just such a shock. <br /><br />I feel like I want the last 12 months back. It seems like everything that could go wrong, has gone wrong. <br /><br />Starting at about this time last year:<br /><br />Hubby lost his job because his employer ran out of money to pay their employees. He found another job, but it was still stressful for a little while. <br /><br />Found out the Chipmunk was missing a testicle. <br /><br />Around labor day, the Chipmunk had Roseola twice! A hospital visit for dehydration was included somewhere in there for him. <br /><br />The Chipmunk had surgery to locate the missing testicle a few days before Halloween. We spent the night of Halloween in the ER due to an infection from the surgery, as well as dehydration. <br /><br />My husband broke his shoulder on thanksgiving day. <br /><br />Right before valentine's day I came down with mastoiditis - aka the ear infection from HELL - that lasted 4 months. <br /><br />In the beginning of March, the kids and I all had the stomach flu so bad the Chipmunk and I had to be hospitalized for dehydration. <br /><br />In June, I was diagnosed with scoliosis, degenerating disk disease, and bone spurs - at least I finally got an explanation for the back pain I've been suffering with for years. <br /><br />The day after fathers day Hubby took 30 Tylenol PM and 6 vicodin, in an attempt to kill himself. A result of him taking too many prescribed steroids for his asthma and allergies. <br /><br />The next week, the Monkey was diagnosed with asthma and has been given the greatest number of prescriptions than anyone else in the household combined. <br /><br />The week after that, it was confirmed that the Chipmunk is extremely allergic to cows milk - making it nearly impossible for daycare to feed him anything she feeds anyone else in her care. <br /><br />And now, the dog. <br /><br />I think I would really like to slow down for a little bit. If I believed in god I would probably be thinking something along the lines of "you don't get more than you can handle". <br /><br />But I don't believe in god. So, I have nothing to rely on but myself. <br /><br />And I'm not sure how much more I can handle. <br /><br /><br />.<br />Swiggyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12188278874487555848noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6887799980878151997.post-41749992304299491002010-08-18T01:53:00.000-06:002010-08-18T01:53:00.104-06:00StressSo much has been going on my life lately that I'm not sure I can handle it all.<br /><br />My back pain has been pretty bad lately. It's really affecting my attitude. I'm trying to get my chair at work fixed, but it doesn't look like it will happen anytime soon. That's what I get for working for the government.<br /><br />This is what's been bugging me lately too. I try and take care of myslef and do the right things for my health, but everything just seems to get even more difficult the harder I try. At this point I'm thinking I shouldn't bother about the chair. But, I know that once it is fixed I'll feel much better. At least I hope that's the case.<br /><br />The Hubs seemed depressed this morning. I'm worried about him all the time. I want him tell me what's wrong, but I don't want him to feel like I'm prying. I also don't want him to fell like if I don't try to find out what's wrong, then I don't care. It feels like I can't win no matter what I do.<br /><br /><br />.Swiggyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12188278874487555848noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6887799980878151997.post-23255757096422814782010-08-15T16:17:00.002-06:002010-08-15T16:17:00.167-06:00JournalingI started seeing a new therapist a few weeks ago. I only saw the old one a few times too. I decided to change because she couldn't remember my name. Kind of important to remember who you're speaking to, don't you think?<br /><br />Anyway, the new has asked that I start keeping a journal. I didn't tell her about the blog. Couldn't tell you why. Maybe it's because I post so rarely here that I don't really consider it a journal. Maybe it's because I don't think I could stand her wanting to read it. Who knows. I just know I don't want to tell her about it.<br /><br />Anyway, I've never kept a real write-with-paper-and-pen journal. I hate the physical act of writing, it makes my hand hurt and my handwriting sucks so much I'm afraid I'd worry more about how the writing looked than what I actually wanted to write.<br /><br />So I guess for now this will have to be my journal. I hope the few people who stop by don't mind. If you do, let me know and I might consider using an actual hard-copy journal. We'll see.<br /><br /><br />.Swiggyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12188278874487555848noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6887799980878151997.post-59879887904009072562010-08-13T13:29:00.003-06:002010-08-13T13:44:32.206-06:00Playing favoritesYesterday I downloaded a song solely because it's the Chipmunk's favorite. I've never done this before, not even for the Monkey. It just makes me so happy when he starts dancing and singing along.<br /><br />I'm afraid that the Chipmunk is turning into my favorite kid. I will do anything for him, even if it means that I suffer. He'll cry to be picked up, and I'll do it. He'll beg to go outside, and I'll go with him.<br /><br />I'm not this accomodating with the Monkey. Is it because he's older and I can reason with him? Perhaps. Is it because if the Chipmunk doesn't get what he wants he throws a mega-tantrum? Maybe. But I'm not sure I don't get some sort of satisfaction from making him happy.<br /><br />Don't get me wrong, I enjoy making the Monkey happy, but the amount of joy the Chipmunk gets from little things seems a little intoxicating and I'd do anything to get that feeling myself. So, if I can make him happy, why not?<br /><br />Am I wrong for doing this?<br /><br />Does the Monkey realize the Chipmunk is my favorite?<br /><br />Am I Spoiling him?<br /><br /><br /><br />.Swiggyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12188278874487555848noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6887799980878151997.post-62984035284270140672010-07-09T07:33:00.000-06:002010-07-09T07:33:00.228-06:00DecisionI ended up starting the Lexapro the night I voiced my concerns. The final decision was made after a long talk with the Hubs where it was made clear that we are both going to need some help to get through this. Either medicinal, or otherwise. <br /><br />I didn't take the Xanax until last night. It seems that one of the side effects of the Lexapro for me is insomnia. Since I was already an insomniac I was at my wits end after not sleeping for a few days. So, I took a Xanax last night and had the best nights sleep I've had in a long time. Which is unfortunate since I've just recently kicked an Ambien addiction. I really don't want to add Xanax addict to the list. <br /><br />So, it seems for right now that there is better living through chemistry for me. <br /><br /><br /><br />.<br /><br />Swiggyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12188278874487555848noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6887799980878151997.post-71904400333571624322010-06-30T19:16:00.001-06:002010-06-30T19:16:10.677-06:00UnsureI don't know what came over me in that last post. <br /><br />Unfortunately, I made it seem like the Hubs cheated on me. That is absolutely not the case. Although, I do think I feel somewhat betrayed. <br /><br />Actually, I'm so confused I don't know if I even know what I'm feeling. <br /><br />I went to the doctor today and asked for medication to help me cope with what's going on. I was prescribed Lexapro and Xanax. I'm scared to take them. I feel like such a failure for not being able to get through this without putting chemicals in my body. Chemicals that will change the way my brain works. Also, once I start taking them I'll have to stay on them or risk even more problems. <br /><br />The sooner I start taking them, the sooner they'll start helping. But, what if the worst is over and I can get through the rest without assistance? I hate having these "what ifs" floating around my head. <br /><br />Sometimes I wish we all came with owners manuals. <br /><br /><br />.<br /><br />Swiggyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12188278874487555848noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6887799980878151997.post-40155147949666915422010-06-28T23:19:00.000-06:002010-06-28T23:28:37.719-06:00One weekI feel like a sack of shit. <br /><br />I'm so pissed at him. <br /><br />I feel like I have lost my best friend. He says he wants to fix this. I want to fix this. I don't know if that's possible. <br /><br />He says that I didn't have anything to do with it. I don't believe him. I don't believe him because the day it happened he called me to tell me what he had done. When I asked him why, he said that it was because he didn't think that I loved him anymore. If that's not an excited utterance, I don't know what is. <br /><br />So now, I'm expected to go back to life as normal. I don't know how to do that. <br /><br />He's getting help. He's on medication. <br /><br />Where's my support? He was it. Now I can't trust him to be there for me. I have no one else in my life. <br /><br />It's been one week and I can't concentrate on anything. I cant work. I can't sleep. I can't stop crying. He wants to know what's wrong. <br /><br />What the fuck does he think is wrong? <br /><br /><br />.<br /><br />Swiggyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12188278874487555848noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6887799980878151997.post-52430268121866855432010-06-14T00:21:00.000-06:002010-06-14T00:22:14.061-06:00Keep on truckin'Evidently I'm having a hard time keeping up here. No excuses, just blocked. Will try again. <br /><br /><br />.<br /><br />Swiggyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12188278874487555848noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6887799980878151997.post-44171423733784810422010-01-27T12:05:00.000-07:002010-01-27T20:02:37.558-07:00Three days!It took me three days to figure it out. <br /><br />Three days!<br /><br />I bought the bottle on Sunday and didn't touch it until I was in the shower on Monday morning. So, maybe it only took me two days to figure it out. <br /><br />I ran out of shampoo during my shower on Sunday morning. <br /><br />I bought another bottle - with a pump dispenser - later on that morning. <br /><br />While I was taking a shower Monday morning, I tried to open the new bottle - I couldn't do it. <br /><br />I twisted, and twisted, the pump to try and get it to pop up so I could actually, you know, pump - I couldn't do it.<br /><br />I tried pulling the pump up - I couldn't do it. <br /><br />I went through all of this on Tuesday morning too. <br /><br />Both days I gave up and took the whole top off of the bottle and dumped some shampoo into my hand. Do you know how awkward that is? <br /><br />All this time I still had the old bottle (with the same pump dispenser!) in the shower. What can I say, I'm lazy. <br /><br />Finally, on Wednesday morning, I came to my senses. I swapped out the pumps on the two bottles!<br /><br />I was able to wash my hair without frustration. <br /><br />I can't believe it took me so long to come up with a solution.<br /><br />I'm such an idiot. <br /><br />Either that or I'm just really tired when I shower in the morning.<br /><br />Nah, I'm an idiot. <br /><br />.<br /><br />Swiggyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12188278874487555848noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6887799980878151997.post-29375944830540974462010-01-22T23:50:00.001-07:002010-01-22T23:50:17.200-07:00I can't sleepIt's 15 minutes til midnight and I've been up since 5:45 this morning. <br /><br />I've been running full on from then until 8:30 tonight. I was exhausted when I left work tonight. <br /><br />But, for some unknown reason I'm awake right now. I've even taken extra Ambien and I still can't sleep. <br /><br />What's wrong with me?<br /><br /><br />.<br /><br />Swiggyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12188278874487555848noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6887799980878151997.post-59170834406287188992010-01-13T17:16:00.001-07:002010-01-13T17:16:40.823-07:00I don't know who to chooseWhen I was driving home from work last week the song "Live Like We're Dying", by Kris Allen, came on the radio. <br /><br />I don't like country music, and I'm pretty sure that's what you'd classify that song as. But, for the first time since it's been playing on the airwaves I actually listened to the words.<br /><br />This next line made me think. <br /><br />And then cry.<br /><br />"And if your plane fell out of the skies<br />Who would you call with your last goodbye?"<br /><br />My first reaction was that I would call my husband.<br /><br />I immediately reconsidered and thought I would call the Monkey. <br /><br />Again, I immediately reconsidered and thought I would call the Chipmunk. Oh how I would want to call the Chipmunk.<br /><br />But then I felt guilty. <br /><br />And confused. <br /><br />I felt guilty because I was picking one of them over the others. I felt guilty because calling the Chipmunk wouldn't accomplish anything, since he wouldn't really be able to understand me. <br /><br />I felt confused because I really would want to speak to all three of them, but if I truely had to choose one I kept going back to the Chipmunk. And I have no idea why.<br /><br />That's why I was crying. I cried the whole way home after that. I kept going back to that line in the song and trying to make sense of my feelings.<br /><br />Why do I have to choose one? They are all part of my heart. I would want them to know I was thinking of all of them during that time. <br /><br />I guess I'm just going to have to hope it doesn't happen before I make up my mind. <br /><br />.<br /><br />Swiggyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12188278874487555848noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6887799980878151997.post-77939558155741982252010-01-08T22:23:00.001-07:002010-01-08T22:23:18.231-07:00This sucksIt's almost six o'clock Friday evening and I'm still at work. I'm here until 6:15 - I normally finish at 4:15. <br /><br />I'm still paying back my maternity leave. My employer doesn't offer what most people traditionally know as maternity leave. They will advance up to 240 hours of sick leave, which will then be paid back at the rate at which I earn it - 4 hours per pay period. And, that's assuming you take no other (advanced) sick leave for actually, you know, being sick.<br /> <br />Since I had the baby long over a year ago, and have only made headway on paying back about 35 hours, my employer is getting antsy about the amount still owed. Due to this, they "suggested" I work credit hours to have available should I, or anyone else I'm responsible for, get sick. <br /><br />I've comitted to working 2 additional hours most Friday's until I have 24 hours saved up.<br /><br />No one else is here. <br /><br />I'm lonely. <br /><br />I'm tired. <br /><br />I can't wait to go home.<br /> <br /><br />.<br /><br />Swiggyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12188278874487555848noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6887799980878151997.post-6684261886151101252010-01-05T18:12:00.000-07:002010-01-05T18:20:10.886-07:00A little peeA while back all four of us were in the car.<br /><br />I was driving, the hubs was in the front passenger seat. <br /><br />Everyone was being quiet.<br /><br />That's when the Monkey decided was the perfect time to announce - "Mommy & Daddy, sometimes, when I laugh, a little pee comes out."<br /><br />The Hubs and I laughed so hard I almost did pee a little. <br /><br /><br />.<br /><br />Swiggyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12188278874487555848noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6887799980878151997.post-53110536977812687772010-01-05T10:11:00.000-07:002010-01-06T19:21:15.525-07:00I want instant gratification!As I've already said, I received an iPod touch for Christmas. <br /><br />I can blog from this thing!<br /><br />The only problem is, I can't access any wireless networks from my office. <br /><br />Bummer.<br /><br /><br />.<br /><br />Swiggyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12188278874487555848noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6887799980878151997.post-59195906251048909922009-12-30T11:39:00.001-07:002009-12-30T11:39:05.242-07:00New Years Eve EveNanny and Pop went back to England today. It was very sad to see them go. The boys will really miss them. Pop was here for ten days longer than Nanny - to help me out after the hubs broke his shoulder. The Chipmunk will miss him the most - mostly because he won't understand what is going on. <br /><br />The hubs and I are trying really hard to convince them to move here, and it looks like it might actually happen - at least more than it's ever been a possibility before.<br /><br />We can only hope, right?<br /><br /><br />.<br /><br />Swiggyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12188278874487555848noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6887799980878151997.post-22752518969666414522009-12-28T09:40:00.000-07:002009-12-28T10:10:17.027-07:0020092009 has been really hard for me. I have been struggling with depression. And, even though I've been struggling with it so much, I've done nothing to seek help. Everytime I think about admitting I need help, I start feeling better, so I do nothing.<br /><br />One of the reasons why I don't end up seeking help is because I don't think I can find the time to commit to it. I know that sounds like a cop-out, but it seems like everything has been going wrong this year.<br /><br />The last time I wrote about the Chipmunk it was about how we had gotten a second opinion on his gagging problems. Well, the procedure was so traumatic for him I didn't feel like I could write about it afterwards. And, all that came out of it was a firm diagnosis of the reflux we've known he's had since he was about two months old. He has since gotten much, much better at keeping foods down, but he still has reflux, and is so underweight that he completely fell off the weight chart for kids his age. His weight issue doesn't seem to be too much of a result of his reflux, but more of a result of the problems he's had in the last few months. <br /><br />In September, he had Roseola for a week. He didn't eat at all that week. Three weeks later, he had Roseola - again. Again, no eating for a week. At the end of October, he had surgery to correct an undescended testicle (that we didn't even know about until we saw the nurse practitioner at his 15 month well visit in September), he didn't eat for two weeks after that. Let's not forget the normal not-eating that occurs when any baby gets a new tooth.<br /><br />The end of November brought us to the ER for the third time this year when my husband broke his shoulder on Thanksgiving morning. <br /><br />Not everything has been bad this year. I've managed to lose 30 pounds, and I'm committed to start losing again after the holidays. The Monkey lost his first tooth. And, the Chipmunk is the most loveable little creature I've ever met. Also, I got an iPod Touch for Christmas - so I hope to do more writing here.<br /><br />Anyway, I just wanted to get something written so I might be able to get a little momentum going.<br /><br />I hope your year went well and I hope to get back to this blog soon.<br /> <br /><br />.<br /><br />Swiggyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12188278874487555848noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6887799980878151997.post-27721512888736009642009-06-29T19:47:00.004-06:002009-06-29T19:49:57.563-06:00Ladies First!The Monkey just told me that the next time we go out to the car I should go first. I asked him why, he said it's because ladies should always go first.<br /><br />Awww.<br /><br />He said he saw it on Lady and the Tramp.<br /><br />See, some television is a good thing.<br /><br />Cutie.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6887799980878151997.post-86136801001526719072009-06-18T15:50:00.001-06:002009-06-18T15:50:41.634-06:00Second opinion on the Chipmunk!<DIV><SPAN class=994442121-18062009><FONT face=Arial size=2>Last weekend was tough! Friday was the first day the Chipmunk had just milk in his bottles - according to his sheet from daycare, he did just fine. Before Friday we were slowly reducing the amount of formula and increasing the amount of milk in his bottles - he was doing fine with this, so it made sense to do away with the formula altogether. Unfortunately, he refused to take more than 2 ounces on Saturday, and 4 ounces on Sunday. Also, on Saturday, he refused to feed his Gerber addiction. Thankfully he came to his senses on Sunday and ate solids, even though we still couldn't get him to drink anything. By the end of the weekend the Chipmunk was a basket case (as were we).</FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=994442121-18062009><FONT face=Arial size=2></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=994442121-18062009><FONT face=Arial size=2>So, on Monday I called the Pediatrician and told them that I thought his reflux was acting up. They asked me why I thought that and told them what he had consumed in the last 48 hours and how he was acting whenever I tried to get him to drink anything (in pain, wanting to drink but as soon as the bottle was in his mouth pulling away and screaming). </FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=994442121-18062009><FONT face=Arial size=2></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=994442121-18062009><FONT face=Arial size=2>Needless to say, I got the green light to bring him in right away. By doing this, I accidentally got a second opinion on his eating problems.</FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=994442121-18062009><FONT face=Arial size=2></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=994442121-18062009><FONT face=Arial size=2>It turns out the appointment I brought him to on Monday was with the Physician's Assistant. Not only was she concerned with the amount that he had ingested over the weekend, but she was very concerned about his weight overall. Apparently, the bare minimum they like to see at 12 months is that the baby has tripled his birth weight. The Chipmunk was born at 6 pounds 13 ounces - triple that would be 20 pounds 7 ounces. The Chipmunk was only 19 pounds at 12 months and 5 days. Obviously, he's not even close to what their bare minimum for weight gain is.</FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=994442121-18062009><FONT face=Arial size=2></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=994442121-18062009><FONT face=Arial size=2>Another thing that had her concerned was the fact that he had obliterated their other bare minimum for weight gain at his 6 month check-up. At 6 months, they like to see a doubling of the baby's birth weight. Double his birth weight is 13 pounds 10 ounces - he was over 16 pounds at 6 months. According to the PA for him to slow down this much just as solid foods are being introduced is a huge red flag that something is wrong. Why didn't his regular doctor pick up on this?! Who knows. </FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=994442121-18062009><FONT face=Arial size=2></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=994442121-18062009><FONT face=Arial size=2>The upside of all this though is the Chipmunk has some sort of swallow study scheduled for Tuesday. According to the person who scheduled it the Chipmunk has to drink a bottle of Barium for the radiologist to be able to watch as it goes through his digestive system on an x-ray. I don't see this being very successful since I can't get him to drink a bottle of milk - how the hell am I supposed to get him to drink something he's never had before? However, if we are successful with getting him to take the Barium and end up finding out that something is wrong we're going to be in the market for a new doctor. </FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=994442121-18062009><FONT face=Arial size=2></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=994442121-18062009><FONT face=Arial size=2>Any suggestions on how we go about doing that? Clearly our current technique of choosing someone (walking into the closest one to our house and finding out if they are accepting new patients) hasn't worked.</FONT></SPAN></DIV>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6887799980878151997.post-6390811379064526862009-06-09T12:55:00.001-06:002009-06-09T12:55:57.990-06:00Why do I have to be right all the time?<DIV><SPAN class=522583518-09062009><FONT face=Arial size=2>Boo - <A href="http://onesnowballinhell.blogspot.com/2009/06/guess-baby-weight.html">I was right</A>! </FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=522583518-09062009><FONT face=Arial size=2></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=522583518-09062009><FONT face=Arial size=2>The Chipmunk hasn't even reached 19.5 pounds. In fact, he's only 19 pounds.</FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=522583518-09062009><FONT face=Arial size=2></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=522583518-09062009><FONT face=Arial size=2>This puts him in the 5th percentile for weight - he was in the 45th at his 9 month check-up. Why such a huge drop?</FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=522583518-09062009><FONT face=Arial size=2></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=522583518-09062009><FONT face=Arial size=2>I'm sure this is because he can't keep most solid foods down. If he would just quit puking, I'm sure he would put on some weight. At the rate he's going, he will still be facing backwards in his car seat when he's 18 months old.</FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=522583518-09062009><FONT face=Arial size=2></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=522583518-09062009><FONT face=Arial size=2>The doctor doesn't seem concerned. His exact words - "he's a got a skinny brother, why should he be any different". </FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=522583518-09062009><FONT face=Arial size=2></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=522583518-09062009><FONT face=Arial size=2>Yes, his brother is skinny. But, at least the Monkey has managed to stay on the same growth chart each time they weigh him. The doctor didn't even appear as if he wanted to talk about it. As soon as I brought up his eating issues and the fact that he doesn't drink as much milk as he needs to the doctor started to leave. As I continued to talk about it, he was in the doorway of the exam room with the door open and getting ready to walk away. That made me so angry!</FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=522583518-09062009><FONT face=Arial size=2></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=522583518-09062009><FONT face=Arial size=2>I just don't know whether or not I should be worried. Hubby says that since the doctor isn't worried, then neither is he - after all, the doctor has been doing this for a long time, we should trust his judgment. </FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=522583518-09062009><FONT face=Arial size=2></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=522583518-09062009><FONT face=Arial size=2>But what if he's wrong? What if something is actually wrong with the Chipmunk? I realize he hasn't lost any weight, but half a pound gain in three months? Surely that should be sounding some alarms - at least they are for me. I just don't know what to do about it, if anything.</FONT></SPAN></DIV>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6887799980878151997.post-48920864507500345882009-06-04T14:31:00.001-06:002009-06-04T14:31:43.381-06:00You want what now?<DIV><SPAN class=999324119-04062009><FONT face=Arial size=2>The daycare we send the kids to is a home-based daycare, certified by the state, run by a woman named MJ. She has three boys of her own. In addition to our two boys, she has three other boys attending daycare. So I guess you could say she knows boys. Obviously, she's had her own boys since infanthood, but she has also had two of the other boys since they were itty bitty (not including the Chipmunk). So I guess you could say she also knows how baby's work - although she is a little perplexed by the Chipmunk's problems with eating (as are we). </FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=999324119-04062009><FONT face=Arial size=2></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=999324119-04062009><FONT face=Arial size=2>Even though his eating problems are annoying, we've all been dealing with them. We tell her if we've tried anything new and whether he was able to keep it down (normally we don't have good news for her), and she tells us if she's tried anything new and whether he was able to keep it down. She's normally more successful than we are with the introduction of new foods. So far, she has been able to get him to successfully eat Cheerios and any type of cracker (saltine, club, cheez it, graham...you get the idea). She has tried cheese, pancakes, mac-n-cheese, and a grilled cheese sandwich (in itty bitty pieces). All of these were immediately puked back up. So, as much as I would love for him to give up his Gerber addiction, it's currently really the only way for him to get his nutrients.</FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=999324119-04062009><FONT face=Arial size=2></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=999324119-04062009><FONT face=Arial size=2>Because of her state certification she is subject to home visits from the people running the program (I'm assuming this is to make sure she isn't beating the kids or something like that). During the last few months the person visiting has been able to witness the problems the Chipmunk has with most table foods.</FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=999324119-04062009><FONT face=Arial size=2></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=999324119-04062009><FONT face=Arial size=2>Also because of her state certification she gets to participate in the USDA food program. This means that she is able to get her weekly food bill subsidized for the meals that the daycare kids eat while they are under her care. This program has been especially useful for us since it meant that we didn't have to provide formula for the time that the Chipmunk was there - this practically cut our formula budget in half! On the other hand, we still have to provide the baby food he eats while he is there. However, now that the chipmunk is one he appears to be under different guidelines for what he is supposed to be eating. </FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=999324119-04062009><FONT face=Arial size=2></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=999324119-04062009><FONT face=Arial size=2>When we picked the kids up yesterday we had note waiting for us stating that we needed to provide a doctor's note to MJ to be able to continue feeding the Chipmunk his Gerber goodness.</FONT> </SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=999324119-04062009><FONT face=Arial size=2></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=999324119-04062009><FONT face=Arial size=2>Say what now?!</FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=999324119-04062009><FONT face=Arial size=2></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=999324119-04062009><FONT face=Arial size=2>I need a doctors note to provide the food that I want</FONT><FONT face=Arial><FONT size=2> <EM>my</EM> <EM>child</EM> to eat?</FONT></FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=999324119-04062009><FONT face=Arial><FONT size=2></FONT></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=999324119-04062009><FONT face=Arial><FONT size=2>Apparently, according to the USDA program guidelines, he's supposed to be getting all of his nourishment from regular table food and milk. And anything that differs from these guidelines needs to be approved by a doctor in order for MJ to remain in the program.</SPAN></DIV></FONT></FONT> <DIV><SPAN class=999324119-04062009><FONT face=Arial size=2></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=999324119-04062009><FONT face=Arial size=2>The last time I brought up the subject of the Chipmunk's super sensitive gag reflex with the doctor was at his 9 month well-baby check-up. The doctor's response "oh, my son did the same thing - he'll grow out of it eventually". Yeah, thanks - I didn't really think he'd still be eating Gerber's in College. </FONT></SPAN></DIV><SPAN class=999324119-04062009> <DIV><BR><FONT face=Arial size=2>I get the feeling I'll get laughed out of the doctors office when I bring up my request for signed permission to continue feeding <EM>my child</EM> baby food. Based on previous experience with the guy, once he finds out that the Chipmunk is able to tolerate Cheerios and crackers he'll refuse to sign such a request. After all, if he can tolerate those<SPAN class=999324119-04062009> other</SPAN> things he should be able to tolerate everything else.</FONT></DIV> <DIV><FONT face=Arial size=2></FONT> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=999324119-04062009><FONT face=Arial size=2>I feel like I should lie to the doctor and tell him that the Chipmunk's not able to keep <EM>anything </EM>down. On the other hand, I feel like I should tell the doctor the truth. Unfortunately, I feel like telling the truth would result in not getting permission for the food that he needs while he is at daycare. My logical side tells me to tell the guy the truth, because who knows what that might tell him medically. But I really don't want the Chipmunk to become malnourished - <EM>or worse (is</EM> <EM>it really worse?)</EM>, end up in the hospital because he can't keep anything down. I especially don't want him to start hating food because he starts throwing up every time we sit him down to eat. I honestly have no idea what to do. We didn't have this problem when the Monkey was a baby - at this age he ate anything that was put in front of him (unlike now, when he exists solely on <A href="http://onesnowballinhell.blogspot.com/2009/01/diet-of-kindergartner.html">water and air</A>). </FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=999324119-04062009><FONT face=Arial size=2></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=999324119-04062009><FONT face=Arial size=2>Maybe we should hope that the water and air diet works for the Chipmunk too - that just seems like the logical next step to me.</FONT></SPAN></SPAN></DIV>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6887799980878151997.post-29231854205321143542009-06-02T16:07:00.001-06:002009-06-02T16:07:37.006-06:00Guess the baby-weight<DIV><SPAN class=223515221-02062009><FONT face=Arial size=2>Our main car is a Dodge Neon. It's supposed to seat five. I say the only way it's going to seat five is if it's two adults and three very small, not in any type of car/booster seat, children. So really, it seats four with room for jackets.</FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=223515221-02062009><FONT face=Arial size=2></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=223515221-02062009><FONT face=Arial size=2>Hubby and I commute together practically everyday. This means that all four members of our family <EM>squeeze into</EM> the (very small) family car at least twice a day (it's especially funny when we have to go to Costco or Lowe's). </FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=223515221-02062009><FONT face=Arial size=2></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=223515221-02062009><FONT face=Arial size=2>The Chipmunk is still facing backwards in his car seat, even though he turned 1 yesterday and could theoretically be turned around. <SPAN class=223515221-02062009><FONT face=Arial size=2>To accommodate the rear-facing car seat the front passenger has to ride sitting straight up with his/her knees up against the dashboard - this is safe, right?</FONT></SPAN> We're waiting until his one year check-up on Friday to determine if he has reached 20 pounds yet. At his nine month check-up he was only 18.5 pounds, so there's a good chance that he hasn't made it (especially with all the puking and teething he's been doing lately). </FONT></SPAN><SPAN class=223515221-02062009><FONT face=Arial size=2>As much as I would love to turn the seat around, I do want to make sure the Chipmunk has reached the appropriate weight to do so. </FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=223515221-02062009><FONT face=Arial size=2></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=223515221-02062009><FONT face=Arial size=2>I'm guessing he's not 19.5 pounds yet, let alone 20. How much do <EM>you</EM> think he weighs?</FONT></SPAN></DIV>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6887799980878151997.post-46792318574198283002009-06-02T09:46:00.001-06:002009-06-02T09:46:08.498-06:00R.I.P.<DIV><SPAN class=592032915-02062009><FONT face=Arial size=2>My camera is dead. </FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=592032915-02062009><FONT face=Arial size=2></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=592032915-02062009><FONT face=Arial size=2>It's been dying for a few months now, but there was always some way to bring it back to life. Right now it's on life support when it really shouldn't be. It can't take pictures at all, though it can show you what's on the memory card. That's not what I want, or need from it. It lasted for just over 5 years. I think it's lived a good life.</FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=592032915-02062009><FONT face=Arial size=2></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=592032915-02062009><FONT face=Arial size=2>I was so disappointed yesterday when I wasn't going to be able to take a picture of the Chipmunk trying to figure out what that hot glowing thing in front of him was (it was the candle on top of the cupcake he puked up). We gave the Monkey a <EM>really</EM> cheap digital camera for Christmas but we hadn't seen what it can produce until right before we sang Happy Birthday to the Chipmunk. It's crap. All of the pictures look like they were taken by someone in a car that was going 60 mph. We ended up using a disposable camera the Monkey had been given from my in-laws, but who knows if the pictures will actually come out (or if we'll even bring it to be developed). </FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=592032915-02062009><FONT face=Arial size=2></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=592032915-02062009><FONT face=Arial size=2>So, I'm looking for a new camera. I want a DSLR, but I really can't afford one. Of the cheaper varieties I have seen, none of them come with a lens - I think they're kind of important, right? Can I use the camera without a lens? Also, if I could afford a cheap to mid-range one, which one would be the best? Also also, can DSLR's shoot video? Or, will I have to get a different device for that?</FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=592032915-02062009><FONT face=Arial size=2></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=592032915-02062009><FONT face=Arial size=2>I hate that the camera chose now to completely crap out. I don't want to go back to my 35mm. I like the instant gratification of knowing whether or not what I took is the shot I wanted. I don't want to be a professional photographer or anything, but something decent would be great. I'm desperate right now and I don't think that's the best attitude to go shopping with since I'll probably end up getting whatever looks nice but might not do what I want.</FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=592032915-02062009><FONT face=Arial size=2></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=592032915-02062009><FONT face=Arial size=2>So - help me choose a camera. If it means that I'll have to wait until our tax return next year, then so be it...I guess.</FONT></SPAN></DIV>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6887799980878151997.post-37413684491631515072009-06-01T20:25:00.004-06:002009-06-01T20:52:01.757-06:00Happy Birthday, Chipmunk!One year ago, at this very moment, you were ripped out of the womb you had made your home. You were so in love with this place that you decided that an extra 6 (six!) days inside was appropriate. You probably would have liked longer but some doctor got it in her head that you were in distress and had to come out RIGHT NOW. She was probably right, you know. After all, she did have a lot of schooling to determine what was best for <em>you </em>(and only you).<br /><br />I can't complain about your extended stay in my body too much, at least in there I knew you were well taken care of. Also, you managed to let the Monkey keep his birthday all to himself. Once you were out though, you were all on your own - and you weren't great at it to begin with either.<br /><br />At first, you needed CPAP to help you breath, but were shortly able to adjust to a nasal cannula. I don't think you liked it very much. You managed to pull it out of your nose every chance you got. Unfortunately, you had to have it attached to your face at all times until you were 11 weeks old. That's a long time for you - almost a quarter of your life so far. The doctor kept telling us that if we were living at sea level you wouldn't need it. He told us this so many times that I finally asked him if he would like us to move, and I was serious. He didn't say anything after that. Thankfully, you were taken off of the supplemental oxygen and haven't looked back.<br /><br />I've been worried about the damage the lack of oxygen has done - if any. It's probably still too early to tell, but I don't think you are going to have any problems (hopefully I didn't just jinx you). You have managed to do everything before your brother did. You were rolling over before you were three months old - the Monkey was six months. In fact, you started rolling just a few days after the supplemental oxygen was removed - I'm so glad you waited, I can't imagine the trouble you would have gotten into if you had gotten tangled in the oxygen tubing! You were crawling at seven months - the Monkey was almost eight months. I can't remember when you started sitting, but I'm pretty sure that was before your brother too. You haven't started walking yet so I think the Monkey will have you beat here. You're trying to walk, and are taking a few steps, but if you want to beat your brother you're going to have to take 23 steps all on your own within the next three days - I just don't see this happening. Go ahead, prove me wrong! Although you're excelling in physical areas, you are not yet able to show us whether the oxygen deprivation has affected your cognitive ability. I guess only time will tell here.<br /><br />You are a very serious baby. It takes a lot to make you laugh. But when you do, it's the best sound I have ever heard.<br /><br />You are still having trouble eating food that isn't pureed into an itty bitty pulp. Hopefully you will outgrow this soon. I felt so bad when we tried feeding you a cupcake tonight and you puked up the entire contents of your stomach! You were doing ok at first, but the 4th bite sent you over the edge. You love food so much, it doesn't seem fair to withhold the good stuff from you. We thought that you'd be able to handle the cupcake in very small pieces because you are now able to eat Cheerios and some crackers. At least, as long as you've had nothing else in the last hour you're able to eat these things without throwing up. I hope you get over this soon, you look so desperate to eat what's on our plates.<br /><br />You're also doing better about letting Daddy give you a bottle - I am very grateful for this. In fact last night you only wanted a sip when I tried giving you your bottle. Because of this I decided to let Daddy put you to bed. When Daddy tried, you drank the whole damn thing! Can you keep this up please? Daddy was beginning to think you didn't like him as much as me - we don't want him thinking that do we?<br /><br />You are my last baby. How I wish this weren't so. Unfortunately, I don't think my body could handle another pregnancy - and I want to be around for you and your brother for a long time. I wish you weren't growing up so fast, but then again I can't wait until you get to the stage that your brother is at right now. You are both going to be amazing people and I can't wait to see who you are going to be. <br /><br />Happy Birthday! I love you to bits and pieces!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6887799980878151997.post-87398104815122080972009-05-27T18:53:00.010-06:002009-05-27T18:53:00.428-06:00Happy Birthday, Monkey!<span style="font-family:times new roman;color:#000000;">Monkey,<br /></span><br /><div><span style="font-family:times new roman;color:#000000;">At this very moment six years ago in Northern Vermont you entered the world. It was the most surreal experience of my life. Honestly, I didn't think I had it in me and I was petrified of the responsibility we were about to take on.</span></div><div><span style="font-family:times new roman;color:#000000;"></span></div><div><span style="font-family:times new roman;color:#000000;"></span> </div><div><span style="font-family:times new roman;color:#000000;">It turns out, we didn't need to be scared. I can't speak for your father, but I can safely say that you are the best thing that has happened to me - next to your brother, of course. You have made me accountable for my actions and have made me do things that I wouldn't normally have thought possible. I would do almost anything for you. I say almost because if I had to choose between killing a spider for you or running from the room shrieking, I'm afraid I'd have to choose the shrieking and running option. I've become stronger since you were born, but unfortunately this is still one area in which I have let my weakness overcome me.</span></div><div><span style="font-family:times new roman;color:#000000;"></span></div><div><span style="font-family:times new roman;"><br /><span style="color:#000000;"></span></span></div><div><span style="font-family:times new roman;color:#000000;">In the short six years of your life you have become an amazing person. So confident, inquisitive, sensitive, and kind. You talk way more than we can handle at the moment, but I'm pretty sure that's going to turn out to be a good thing. </span></div><div><br /><span style="font-family:times new roman;color:#000000;">The way you are around your brother makes me extremely proud every single day. You don't show one ounce of jealousy towards him - I hope beyond hope that will continue. You love your brother so much, and it shows everyday. Where other siblings would get annoyed at the attention we show him, you just get in on it too. If we're playing a game with him, you want to join in immediately - not so we play the same game with you, but so you can make him laugh, or dance, or whatever it is we are doing at the moment. </span></div><div><br /><span style="font-family:times new roman;color:#000000;">The Chipmunk is learning to walk right now, and you are his number one supporter when we are not around. If he is getting into something he shouldn't, and we aren't there to take him away before he gets hurt, you do it - without being asked. I was so worried before the Chipmunk was born that you were going to resent not being an only child anymore since you had become so accustomed to having us all to yourself. I was wrong to be worried. You have adjusted to our new lives with such maturity, for which I am so thankful for.</span></div><div><br /><span style="font-family:times new roman;color:#000000;">You have made us so proud of you in school, too. You are reading way above the level that you should and keep amazing us everyday with the new words you know how to read. Like your parents, you have excelled at math as well. In Kindergarten this year, your teacher had you up in the front of the class helping her teach the lesson sometimes. This would normally embarrass other children, but not you. In fact, we didn't hear anything about it until parent-teacher conferences. It obviously didn't bother you one bit, otherwise you would have said something to us when it first happened.</span></div><div><span style="font-family:times new roman;color:#000000;"></span> </div><div><span style="font-family:times new roman;color:#000000;">You have come so far in the last six years. </span></div><br /><div><span style="font-family:times new roman;color:#000000;">You have come from this:</span></div><br /><div><span style="font-family:times new roman;"><br /><span style="color:#000000;"></span></span></div><span style="font-family:times new roman;color:#000000;"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 301px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 347px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5340334594274672898" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgu6MLJZPvv04pjue7MHBgtVY2XkXWC-iXy5hH7SJEwWsI_IDOkRivqf14nBK_tAsggt8DE_xp2ijQtm5V2GFljoEi6_u8F8nltSF4UHOfgmlh_vTQahtPVl45CvbjIP8k-QrCa4uRYC9o/s400/DSC00337.JPG" /></span><br /><span style="font-family:times new roman;color:#000000;">To this:</span><br /><span style="font-family:times new roman;"><br /><span style="color:#000000;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-family:times new roman;color:#000000;"></span><br /><p><span style="font-family:times new roman;color:#000000;"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 324px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 335px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5340335091539468466" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFfhorRceikqXMXoS3jTg9PsKyYUo_wvM2U-2IaYy11r4vvRf7iH_xzyNR-bJ7tti7ja2see03caHVagdgMybUwV1sxUHYIceMTzP_murJMDepj1QkeUB3d_cr89Gvi0g10_VA4abgmQQq/s400/Ryan's+Kindergarten+Graduation.jpg" /></span></p><p><span style="font-family:times new roman;color:#000000;"></span> </p><p><span style="font-family:times new roman;color:#000000;">I can't wait to see who you become, I'm sure it's going to be great!</span></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6887799980878151997.post-88827009816313621942009-05-26T15:55:00.001-06:002009-05-26T15:55:53.109-06:005 years and 4 days apart<DIV><SPAN class=851583821-26052009><FONT face=Arial size=2>I have now entered what will forever be known as Birthday Week.</FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=851583821-26052009><FONT face=Arial size=2></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=851583821-26052009><FONT face=Arial size=2>Tomorrow, May 27th, is the Monkey's birthday. </FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=851583821-26052009><FONT face=Arial size=2></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=851583821-26052009><FONT face=Arial size=2>At 8:53pm EST my first born will turn six years old. The math hardly seems right. Actually, it seems possible and impossible at the same time. These six years feel like they have flown by, but they also feel like they were the longest six years of my life. </FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=851583821-26052009><FONT face=Arial size=2></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=851583821-26052009><FONT face=Arial size=2>Monday, June 1st, is the Chipmunk's birthday. </FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=851583821-26052009><FONT face=Arial size=2></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=851583821-26052009><FONT face=Arial size=2>At 10:25pm EST my second born will turn one year old. He was due today, but held out for another few days to make sure he didn't steal too much of the Monkey's Birthday Thunder (or at least that's what I'll tell them when they get older). Again, it hardly seems possible that only a year has passed. So much has happened in the last twelve months that it seems impossible to comprehend. </FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=851583821-26052009><FONT face=Arial size=2></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=851583821-26052009><FONT face=Arial size=2>Because of the Monkey, I became a mother. Because of the Chipmunk, I will always be a mother to two boys. I find it hard to remember life without either one of them. Each one has left their mark on me, and I will be forever changed for it.</FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=851583821-26052009><FONT face=Arial size=2></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=851583821-26052009><FONT face=Arial size=2>Happy Birthday, Boys! I love you both to bits and pieces.</FONT></SPAN></DIV>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1