Ok, I know I’ve not posted in … oh, I don’t know how long it’s been, but it’s been a LONG time. I also have a ton of people I need to email, but I can’t get motivated to do that either. I’ve been dealing with some serious baby blues (if not full on PPD). And, to be quite honest, I hate apologizing for not posting. So, I’m going to say that posting is not a priority at the moment and apologies will not be made.
I need help with something.
As you may have guessed, I had a baby about three months ago. I have also been shut out by my aparents (again - more on that another time, maybe) which is why I’m turning to the internets for advice - I have no one else to go to.
Anyway, the pregnancy went ok. Not great (definitely not as easy as my first), but ok. There were a couple of OMG moments, but they were easily dealt with. Actually, these moments were more me freaking out and getting stressed over what turned out to be nothing.
However, the birth is a whole other story. In the end, I had to have an emergency C-section which left me thinking as they rolled me into the operating room that I never wanted to have another child. I had every bad scenario running through my head, most of them leaving my children motherless and my husband without a wife. For those of you who want a detailed description of what it was close to being like, go here.
While I was still pregnant Hubby and I had decided not to find out if it were a boy or a girl. Before the baby was born we had said that if it were a girl we would be done having children. If it were a boy, we would probably have another child to possibly try for a girl.
I was convinced it was a girl. He was convinced it was a girl. The Magic 8 Ball said it was a girl.
I had a boy.
He spent a few days in the NICU, and was on oxygen for 11 weeks. Nights are a little harder than I thought they would be at this stage, but they’ve never been this bad. Breastfeeding was a huge disaster, as it was with our first child. But, apart from that, he’s pretty healthy.
After having some time to reflect on the pregnancy and birth, I’m not sure if I’m done having children. I’m 80% sure I’m done, but not 100% sure.
Hubby says he’s pretty sure he’s done, but the reasons he gives make it sound like he wouldn’t mind having another one. He’s 33 and I’m 31. He says he doesn’t want to have a child who’s still at home when he’s in his 60’s. I understand that. For him to have a child at home while he’s in his 60’s would mean that we would have another child 10 years from now - trust me, I do not want that either. The five years between our two sons is a huge age difference as it is, and I do not want to be pregnant when I’m 40 anyway (if it would even be possible). He also says that we don’t have the finances to support another child. Right now, that’s true. But, in a year or two when we’re doing better financially what will his take be on things then?
Ok, now for a little bit too much information.
About five weeks ago, I knew for sure that I had ovulated for the first time since giving birth. I also knew that we had had (protected) sex a few hours before. So, when I didn’t get my period two weeks later like was supposed to happen, we just assumed that the protection had failed and I was pregnant again. We were both mostly ok with this. Yes, it was a bit too soon since the birth of our second son. And, yes, it would mean that once the child was born I would have to be unemployed because of silly FMLA laws. But we were both prepared to deal with that. Two more weeks went by before I eventually did get my period, which meant that I had either been really late (unlikely for me - I’m usually on time or early) or had had a miscarriage. Either way, I’m not pregnant now.
Here’s where your advice comes in.
Hubby is scheduled for a vasectomy on the 4th. He says he’ll cancel it if I want him to. But I’m not sure if I do. I’m happy with my two boys. I’m pretty sure I don’t want another one, but like I said not 100% sure. I also don’t know if I want the option to be completely gone in less than a week. The surgeon says that the procedure is reversible 90-95% of the time, with a 50% chance of his fertility going back to what it was before. Those odds are not good.
Should I have him postpone the surgery? Should he go ahead with it anyway? Here’s how I look at it. If he’s sure that he doesn’t want any more children, then all the talking in the world isn’t going to change that and he should go ahead with it - right?
I know you can’t make my mind up for me, but any advice or information you have would be great.