Wednesday, June 30, 2010


I don't know what came over me in that last post.

Unfortunately, I made it seem like the Hubs cheated on me. That is absolutely not the case. Although, I do think I feel somewhat betrayed.

Actually, I'm so confused I don't know if I even know what I'm feeling.

I went to the doctor today and asked for medication to help me cope with what's going on. I was prescribed Lexapro and Xanax. I'm scared to take them. I feel like such a failure for not being able to get through this without putting chemicals in my body. Chemicals that will change the way my brain works. Also, once I start taking them I'll have to stay on them or risk even more problems.

The sooner I start taking them, the sooner they'll start helping. But, what if the worst is over and I can get through the rest without assistance? I hate having these "what ifs" floating around my head.

Sometimes I wish we all came with owners manuals.


Monday, June 28, 2010

One week

I feel like a sack of shit.

I'm so pissed at him.

I feel like I have lost my best friend. He says he wants to fix this. I want to fix this. I don't know if that's possible.

He says that I didn't have anything to do with it. I don't believe him. I don't believe him because the day it happened he called me to tell me what he had done. When I asked him why, he said that it was because he didn't think that I loved him anymore. If that's not an excited utterance, I don't know what is.

So now, I'm expected to go back to life as normal. I don't know how to do that.

He's getting help. He's on medication.

Where's my support? He was it. Now I can't trust him to be there for me. I have no one else in my life.

It's been one week and I can't concentrate on anything. I cant work. I can't sleep. I can't stop crying. He wants to know what's wrong.

What the fuck does he think is wrong?


Monday, June 14, 2010

Keep on truckin'

Evidently I'm having a hard time keeping up here. No excuses, just blocked. Will try again.