Tuesday, December 30, 2008

New Year's Quiz

Linda has asked that we all take part in this quiz. I haven't done it before, but here you go:

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?

Aside from taking this quiz? Had a c-section.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I didn't make any resolutions. Normally it's to get in better shape, but at this time last year I was just trying to enjoy my last pregnancy.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Aside from myself? No

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Not sure, does my husband's grandfather count?

5. What countries did you visit?

St. Thomas - yeah I know it's technically part of the U.S., but they drive on the other side of the road for pete's sake!

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?


7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

June 1st, the day my second son was born.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Getting promoted, while on maternity leave.

9. What was your biggest failure?


10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Uh, aside from the c-section? Thankfully not.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Plane tickets to St. Thomas

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

My husband's - I would not have made it through the fiasco with my parents without him.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

My parents

14. Where did most of your money go?

Mortgages, then daycare

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Duh - the new baby! Oh yeah, and the new guy we have for president.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?

I have no idea, I don't really listen to much music.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:a) happier or sadder?b) thinner or fatter?c) richer or poorer?

a)a little sadder (the parent situation)

b)the same

c)the same - surprisingly. Thankfully, the promotion took care of the added daycare costs.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?


19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Bottle washing

20. How did you spend Christmas?

At home, with my three boys - hubby, the monkey, & the chipmunk

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?

Absolutely - wouldn't you have fallen in love with these two guys?

22. What was your favorite TV program?

So You Think You Can Dance?

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

I don't know if I would call it hate, but I have a strong dislike for the two people who raised me.

24. What was the best book you read?

I've only read fluff this year

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Does the Yahoo customizable radio station count?

26. What did you want and get?

A Roomba

27. What did you want and not get?

More time to sleep

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

I saw I Am Legend this year

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 31 this year. I went to work.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Having breastfeeding work out

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?

Pregnant, and then sleep deprivation.

32. What kept you sane?


33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Barack Obama

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

Isn't that obvious?

35. Who did you miss?

Quite a few people

36. Who was the best new person you met?

The Chipmunk

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.

That I've gotta take care of me first.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

Help by the Beatles - the entire song

Now it's your turn. I especially want to hear what you & you have to say

Saturday, November 15, 2008


Lately, I've been thinking a lot about how thankful I am that the baby turned out to be a boy (much to everyones surprise in the operating room*). I wouldn't even have the slightest idea how to raise a girl (not that I know what I'm doing with the boys, all I can say here is I am definitely not a girly-girl). And it's not like the relationship with the woman who raised me leaves me with the warm and fuzzies, so the thought of not having to deal with the mother-daughter dynamic is quite relieving - although I would have loved a girl as much as I love the boys that I have, I would have been terrified of the outcome (Mr. Lady says it better than I can).

However, I'm not the only one that only has the y chromosomes to deal with.

Linda has been lamenting the presence of so many
pensises, and Mrs. Glamore has more than opened my eyes to what life with the boys will be like when they get older (omg, Hubby and I have got to relax if we're going to come close to dealing with what's been thrown her way with anywhere near half the grace that she has).

In fact, it looks like
Julie, Linda, Mrs. Glamore, and myself should start a support group or something. I mean, we're tasked with raising men! Nice, considerate men who might some day grow up to be your daughters husbands (if that's what they're into, that is) - what have I gotten myself into?

Wait a minute! Who said my kids were going to be allowed to have sex?

On second thought, maybe I should have stuck witht he four legged variety of children - at least I was able to get them "fixed". I don't think I'm allowed to do the same to my boys - darn it!

*we didn't find out what the baby was before it was born. Hubby was convinced it was a girl because he saw the ultrasound tech write the letter f (for female?) on the screen before turning it away from him. I was convinced it was a girl because the pregnancy was so very different from my first. I should have know better though - the next door neighbor has five girls, the law of averages was against us from the word go.

Monday, November 10, 2008

PSA - Insuring the kids

We had our insurance agent over a few days ago to go over our life insurance policies. We've known for quite some time that we don't have enough, but didn't really have the energy or the money to anything about it.

We've had an insurance policy for the Monkey since he was about six months old. The reason for insuring the Monkey is not a morbid one, but a practical one. At the time that we started the policy I knew nothing about my biological health background, but we knew what Hubby's past could tell us.

Hubby has really bad asthma. One of his grandmothers died of cancer. One of his grandfathers died from heart problems. Forgetting about what my side of the family had to offer, the future of possible problems did not look good. Based on the information we had garnered, it would be extremely easy (and cheap) for the Monkey to increase the policy we purchased for him as an infant than for him to start one of his own should any of the above become a factor for him. So that's what we did.

Since the Monkey had a policy of his own, it was only right to get one for the Chipmunk. While were at it, we may as well see about increasing our own policies.

We went over what we would absolutely need and what we would like. We got quotes for all four of us. Then, the insurance agent (who is actually our neighbor, good friend, and father to our babysitter) informed us that for a mere $5 a month added to both mine and my husbands policy we could insure both of the kids for about the same amount as we would have insured them for individually - this worked out to be much less than had we decided to get them individual policies.

Why weren't we told about this when the Monkey was a baby?

Probably because insurance agents are greedy and don't want to divulge this information (we had not yet met our current agent/friend/neighbor).

So, consider this my gift to you.

If you have children (or will have children in the future) and your own insurance policies, you can add all of your children to your policies (they call it a rider (sp?)) for a fraction of the cost of getting them their own policies.

You're welcome.

Not So Doomed Afterall

So, it seems my vote did count for something. I was astounded to see that my very conservative state went to Barack Obama, even though my county did not (not a huge surprise to me).

Also, although changing the temperature of the Chipmunk's bottle was a little painful in the lack of sleep area, things seem to be getting back to normal now. He still hates it when I've left the bottle of water to mix his formula with out overnight, but that seems to have worked in my favor.

The temperature in the house drops overnight, therefore the temperature in the water left out for his bottle drops overnight. He woke up a few nights when he wasn't eating enough during the day due to the change in protocol, but then he realized that the formula was even colder. I think he decided that it just wasn't worth it to him to wake up for a really cold bottle. He would take a few sips and realize his error and then insist on going back to sleep. Now, he's slept through the night the last two nights (if you count only waking up this morning at 4:30 as sleeping through the night - it's early, but I'm counting it). I hope things continue this way, because for a week or so of torture with him refusing to eat every now and then things are getting better (and he seems to be getting heavier).

Now I just have to work on introducing him to real food. Wish me luck!

Wednesday, October 29, 2008


I must be psychotic or something. It's either that or I can't leave good enough alone. I mean, why else would I have responded to the Chipmunk sleeping through the night twice last week by pissing him off with cold formula?

You see, we're going to St. Thomas in a few weeks. We've been preparing Chipmunk's bottles with warmer than warm tap water since he was about four weeks old - even though we had sworn to ourselves that we wouldn't do that if we ever had another child who needed to have formula when the Monkey was a baby. The Monkey liked his bottles scalding hot - which, by the way, is a pain in the ass when you leave the house and his bottles were made ahead of time with boiled water (yeah, we've thrown caution to the wind this time around - doesn't the second child always get the shaft? We're even using generic formula (gasp!)).

Anyway, we thought that using warmer than warm tap water would be ok since that would be available whereever we went. We've known since before the Chipmunk was born that we would be going to St. Thomas next month, I guess we just never thought that the tap water there would not be drinkable (at least that's what we've been told). So, to avoid a miserable vacation with him refusing to eat (which might happen anyway), we started giving him room temperature bottles this past weekend since we will be using bottled water to prepare his bottles while in St. Thomas. We don't want to use a bottle warmer - which was how we got the Monkey's bottles so scalding hot - because of the whole BPA issue.

To say the Chipmunk doesn't like them is an understatement - he is more than pissed. He went fourteen and a half hours on Sunday without a drop. He woke up four or five times last night (I lost count) and refused to eat anything except for one of those times.

Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, I'm the only one in this house that he'll let feed him so I don't get to share the sleep deprivation with Hubby.

I know if we keep at it he should eventually get used to it - right? At least that's what I need to keep telling myself. Otherwise, we're doomed.


Unrelated - I voted today. Unfortunately, Ted Haggard was right in front of me. I'm pretty confident we cancelled out each others votes. This wouldn't be so bad, except he brought his entire family that is of voting age with him. I'm guessing his family voted similar to him.

Yep, we're doomed.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Hubby's last letter


First, let me say thank you for your reply, however there are some things I feel I must say in response. Maybe I will even enlighten you to some facts.Second. I want to make this absolutely clear. These are solely my views and opinions. I do NOT speak for Swiggy.

I don't much care what you two think of me, it has been quite apparent from the beginning that you have never liked me - at least The Witch hasn't, and I suspect that opinion will diminish further after you read this. Perhaps this is because I have helped Swiggy to not be afraid of her mother. My only regret is that I did not make my voice clearer to you several years ago.

Your money has never been a concern for us. Certainly I have never been entitled to a penny. It is, and always will be, yours to do with what you want. Maybe you do not understand this as you have money, but while you were here the Doormat kept asking why Swiggy was so intent on breastfeeding - money is a big factor - formula is expensive. However, it is also because breast milk is best for the baby, as well as the added benefit that breastfeeding aids the mothers recovery. The Witch kept asking why Swiggy is not going to be taking more time off of work. The answer there is two-fold. Money, and she has a boss and is only allowed so much time off of work. These facts have been expressed, even before you came, yet you are still both unable to grasp the reality that most people live in.

Since you brought up money I think it is worth making you aware of the following. My parents very generously, without needing to be asked, re-mortgaged their home to help us out of a financial mess some years ago. We still owe them a considerable sum. Swiggy had asked The Witch for help. The Witch refused and said "Life is supposed to be hard at your age". Doesn't that just epitomize "a most loving and generous person"? So no surprises that Swiggy is not getting anything once The Witch passes. Strange how I never heard any stories about The Jerk being made to suffer, or how his life was ever supposed to be hard. I guess you forgot to tell me those ones.

Besides, we were under the impression Swiggy had been written out of the will several years ago anyway. The Witch had told us as much.

Swiggy never expected money from you. All she ever wanted, indeed still wants, is for you to give her some love, attention and affection - unfortunately The Jerk got all of the above, and he also got the financial aid.

I think giving your money to charity is a great idea. Might I make a suggestion as to which one? Should Swiggy not be able to breast-feed The Chipmunk, and that is looking increasingly likely thanks in no small part to the added stress you have put on her since your unusual departure, I will need a second, maybe third, job. Formula is not cheap. We are OK with this. We got ourselves into this financial quagmire, and, with the help of friends and my family, we will get ourselves out. It just means that myself, The Monkey and The Chipmunk will continue shopping at Goodwill and Swiggy will not buy any new clothes for the fourth year in a row. If only she had some "compassionate, loving and generous" family members to assist. Sorry, I digress. Do not make Goodwill your charity lest Swiggy actually benefit. Perhaps the Humane Society would be a good choice. The Witch always has liked animals. Perhaps that is because they will not talk back to her.

It is you who is mistaken as to who initiated your leaving. After The Witch shouted at The Monkey,(Personally I think that is her new low spot, (I will get to some more later) and an apology for that is needed, but it does give me an insight into Swiggys' childhood) and I told The Witch to "Leave him out of it as he is only Five, or else I will get involved" she promptly stood up and said " That is it, we are leaving, I am not taking any more of this" She proceeded to the bathroom, and you went downstairs to pack. So I suppose, technically, it was my doing that led to your leaving. (Unsurprisingly yours and The Witchs recollection are of course different) What happened in the basement after wards may very well fit your description of events, but It was 100% The Witchs' comment that put you on the path you followed. The Witch never has been able to take criticism from me - perhaps that is because I do not yield to bullies.

Even though The Monkey was crying and would not shake your hand (He is Five remember and was very confused) he does remember you saying goodbye to him and we both remember you waving from the car. I guess the stress of being shouted at by his Grandmother was too much for his little heart to handle. Can you blame him? You should both know that he sobbed when you left. He did not want you to leave. Did you hear The Witchs' first words when she saw The Monkey? "He is quiet, that is good." Little boys should be seen and not heard I suppose.

I take it from your statement that The Witch was "still stunned" when you left that you did not hear what she said to me while I was emptying your car:

The Witch - "I am sorry I never had children"

Hubby - "What do you mean? You have Two"

The Witch - "No I don't, I don't know what that monster upstairs is"

What a very compassionate, loving and generous mother The Witch is! I doubt she will admit to that statement either.

Even if The Witch was stunned, she still, after calming down, could have returned and apologized ... now I see the error in my thought process. Apologize. The Witch. Nope. Prove me wrong. All she had to do was to say "Sorry" But I doubt she is capable of that emotion either. I have NEVER heard her say, or express in any way, that she has had any remorse for any of her actions. Ever. Prove me wrong.

It takes two to tango. Certainly there have been errors on our part, but I doubt The Witch would admit her errors. She certainly has never accepted an apology from Swiggy. You may recall she refused flowers Swiggy once sent as an apology. In her mind, The Witch can do no wrong. The mind of a delusioned, narcissistic individual for sure.

If you truly feel that the incident at the restaurant was "a strain" then you have a very low tolerance. As I mentioned in my earlier letter, perhaps a bit of compassion and empathy for a woman recovering from surgery and severe sleep deprivation should have been considered. And of course her hormones are all over the place right now.

Swiggy was simply asking a question as to whether The Witch had decided to consciously eat ice-cream instead of eating dinner. Nothing more, nothing less. Personally, I was a little upset as I really thought you would both have enjoyed eating at one of our favorite restaurants. So sorry if you read more into it than that.

I am actually surprised your tolerance is so low. I would have thought listening to The Witch's shrills (I have heard them many times myself) you would be thicker skinned. Perhaps that is why you won't install Air Conditioning in your office so that The Witch won't, and I quote, "Pester me!" Seems like a double standard to me.

What other "strains" do you refer to? With the exception of the obvious travelling and altitude you had to endure, we both have admitted the trip went well - up until the end.

I wonder if The Witch is jealous of Swiggy as she was unable to reproduce?

How can The Witch even begin to believe she is a good Mother? For that matter, how can you believe that The Witch is a good Mother. There are many more events that I have witnessed over the past 15 years that I could elaborate on to emphasize the point, but I don't need to. The only needed proof that she is a lousy mother is clear. If you deny everything else in this letter (and I am sure The Witch can manipulate the truth to make that the case), the following you cannot deny.

A good, or even mediocre, mother would not flat deny the possibility that an admitted molester could have done what he did to Swiggy. It is despicable. I had always held some hope that her view would change. I was naive. I semi-applaud you, Doormat, as you had always made it clear that you did not dis-believe Swiggy. But not The Witch. Never. Ever. It is now clear why she is good at forgiving the prodigal son - he can apparently do no-wrong. You should know that that breaks Swiggys' heart every single day.

The Witch didn't like being shouted at! Maybe she should try being molested and then being called a liar for it for 20 plus years. That is a wound that will never heal. Excuse us if we don't give The Witch pity.

Surely you figured that out by yourselves? Any decent parent would have.


You talk of Swiggys' lack of compassion. First you are mistaken, she is extremely compassionate to those who deserve it. But even if you are correct, read those last few paragraphs again and then show me the woman who erred the greatest. And then wonder where Swiggy learned her so called lack of compassion from.

The Witch does not get Swiggy's respect simply because she is her Mother. She has to earn that respect. Does she even know Swiggy's birthday, age, or wedding anniversary? Any time she has been asked in the past she has gotten it wrong. What a loving Mother! That is the tip of a very deep iceberg. These may not seem important to you, but they are to Swiggy.

Not being there for some important and pivotal events in Swiggy's life is not the road to respect. Perhaps that is why Swiggy was not there for The Witch following her stroke. What is good for the Goose is good for the Gander. Perhaps The Witch now knows what it is like when the shoe is on the other foot. You will of course remember that we both bent over backwards to help out following your broken neck incident. Need I mention again The Witchs continued denial of Swiggy being molested. What a wonderful example of compassion. The Witch again leading by example. If you think Swiggy's behavior is worse than that, then you are both more shallow than even I thought possible.

In case you didn't know, a very big reason for us attempting to move to the East Coast 6 years ago was so that our children (if at that point we were to have any) would have at least one set of grandparents nearby. Swiggy always hoped her children would be treated better by you than she was. You may also have guessed that while you were here we were fishing to see if you two might consider retiring to Colorado for the same reason - you would have acclimated to the altitude given time. But now, I do not want to have my children go through the torments that Swiggy has gone through. Nothing they do will be good enough, no apology will ever be accepted, I will not have them spoken to in the same tone Swiggy is, I do not want to have to fix their hearts when they are broken as I have had to with Swiggy at least a dozen times, I could go on.

Rest assured that if I have my way The Witch will not see her Grandchildren again. I will not allow it. Unless, of course, she can admit that she has made some terrible errors, is completely sorry, and begs Swiggy for her forgiveness. And even then I will need convincing.

The door is slightly ajar for you, Doormat.

Unfortunately We now need to think of a way to tell The Monkey and The Chipmunk why they likely cannot see their grandparents who live in the same country. Ironically we will try to put a positive spin on it. I wonder if The Witch would have been so generous? Maybe we will say you are too busy with The Jerk to pay them any attention, that is after all what happened with Swiggy. Even E will admit that. Will you? And if so, you shouldn't be surprised of her feelings towards you.

Doormat, you have said to me over the years a few times that The Witch does love Swiggy. Funny how I have never heard her say that to me. Nor have I heard her tell Swiggy that. Moreover, even if she has said it, simply saying it is not enough, actions speak louder than words, and The Witch's actions have spoken volumes, but not in a good way. If only The Witch was half as good with her actions and emotions as she clearly is with her writing. She certainly has earned her respect in that field.

Let me clarify some of the "Low spots" you both seem bewildered about. When Swiggy talks of a low spot I believe she is referring to actions that are most un-parent like. Things that you should be sorry for and possibly ashamed of, but are not. Perhaps because to you they do not seem wrong.

  • At the top of my list is the aforementioned grandmother shouting at her 5 year old grandchild incident.
  • Not believing in any shape or form that Swiggy was molested, and then thinking that she lied about it.
  • Not attending her High School graduation on the promise you would attend her College graduation.
  • Not attending her College graduation because "Those things are not important to us" This seems selfish, and I expect inaccurate as I am sure you would have gone had it been the U of C. And if not that is still simply selfish.
  • Not getting on a plane and coming to see us when you were already at the airport. You didn't even wait another 10 minutes to see if the airline resolved the problem (which it had). Again you broke her heart.
  • When we drove to Chicago (my idea, as Swiggy was sobbing in the airport, afraid you would not get to see The Monkey) we were quite obviously made to feel un-welcome by The Witch. And then The Witch got mad at a then three year old Monkey for chasing the cat, The Witch responded by saying " I hope he gets scratched!" We spent the visit counting the days till we could leave. We didn't cry off on the next plane home as we wanted The Monkey to see his Grandparents.
  • The Witch refusing the apology and flowers Swiggy sent her.
  • The Witch refusing to EVER accept ANY of Swiggy's apologies.
  • Getting mad at Swiggy after The Monkey was born for not driving down to where you live by herself to see you. Swiggy was still recovering from the birth. I did not want Swiggy to drive that far in her weakened state - and neither should you have. We could have come on a weekend, but The Witch did not want me to come.
  • Not seeing The Monkey until he was over a year old when you lived only 3 hours away. That one still kills Swiggy.
  • Thinking that Swiggy was simply "having fun" when my mother came to help for the first few weeks of The Monkey's life, and then conveniently forgetting that we had given you the choice as to when you wanted to come visit as my parents had to make travel plans.
  • Not realising, still, that we have regular M-F 9-5 jobs and cannot simply go wherever we want, whenever we want. We both have superiors to report too.
  • This next one is tricky as It involves our wedding. Which was in a beautiful setting. But it was marred by the fact that following Swiggy being told she could only invite so many people, which was fair since you were paying, to then find out there were a bunch of people at the wedding that The Witch had invited, some of whom we didn't even know! Even on Swiggys' special day The Witch was basically saying look at me, look what I have done. We have always said that one day we will get married again, and invite who WE want. Even if Swiggy had been asked about these additions there would have been no point her expressing her resentment.
  • Not putting E on the top table at our wedding. I was embarrassed for her.
  • Any time The Witch wants one of her "special chats" privately with Swiggy and then gives her dietary advice. The very last person anyone should take dietary advice from is The Witch - ice cream for dinner and cookies for breakfast, again leading by example.

Having listed those points I have no idea why Swiggy keeps coming back for more punishment. She is stronger than even I give her credit for. Perhaps she hopes that one day you will change, admit your errors, and start loving her with your actions. Starting with the molestation would be a good place to begin.

I would expect there are many, many more examples that Swiggy has, but they are some of mine. Do you now see some of the low spots? Do you yet blame yourselves, in any form, for the way Swiggy treats you? I doubt it. I expect you still think The Witch is compassionate, loving and generous. Simply saying it does not make it so.

Doormat, I wish you well in the future and hope that The Witch continues to make pointless online purchases to fill the empty void in her heart.

I absolutely understand you protecting The Witch, but I am at a complete loss as to why you defend her so heavily. Maybe you are blinded to the true horrors, simply don't care, are easily manipulated or something else. Whatever your reasons, of which I have no interest in knowing, I truly hope you feel you are making the right decisions with regards to your daughter, and that you can be at peace with those decisions.

As far as I am concerned my relationship with The Witch has ended. I want nothing more to do with her until she is mature enough to admit her shortcomings, apologize to her grandchild and starts treating her daughter the way she deserves to be treated. That will probably please her as she no longer needs to deal with me. She has also said in the past that she will not change. So I am not holding my breath.

If Swiggy wishes to continue her relationship with her parents then I will not stand in her way. She is a grown woman capable of making her own decisions. I just hope that you and The Witch do not hold my words against Swiggy.

You will also notice that I am sending you this email from my personal account and not from our joint account. This is so that I do not hurt Swiggy any more than she already has been. I did NOT tell Swiggy that her "compassionate, loving and generous mother" called her a Monster. The ball is in your court now. I emplore you to do the right thing.

As I said at the beginning these are my views, I do not speak for Swiggy. Hate me, not Swiggy.


PS I have an idea for The Witchs' new book. A woman who kills people by continuosly breaking their heart. She could make it her autobiography. Will there be a happy ending ...

Some of the letters

The following are the letters that were sent by Hubby after my parents stormed out of here a few months ago (names changed, go here for reference).

Doormat and Witch,

We hope you had a safe trip home.

First let me say that, with the obvious exception of the final act, we did enjoy your visit with us.

It was absolutely wonderful to see you interacting with the Monkey and the Chipmunk. Hopefully you enjoyed it too. I know the Monkey enjoyed it as he is still talking about the fun he had playing on his laptop with you Witch, although he is a little upset that you didn't say goodbye. I was pleasantly surprised, and am happy to admit, any reservations I may have had for your visit were unfounded.

I felt that some important bridges were being built between you and Swiggy, and certainly that was needed following the tulmultuous history you have had.

So let me get to the final act. What happened?

I find it very hard to believe that your leaving was based solely on the shouting incident. I am sure you have both experienced surgical pain and lack of sleep. I am sure you have both experienced the resulting loss of normality that comes with such traumas. I cannot believe that you had no compassion or empathy with what Swiggy has been going through these last few weeks (but perhaps I am wrong). As a result I am a little confused as to why you did not accept her very heartfelt apology.

I am therefore left to believe that something must have happened whilst I was at work to sow-the-seed for this most unusual ending to an otherwise great visit.

I would very much like to know what event that could have been, and look forward to hearing your side of the story.


Obviously, he was blowing smoke up their asses to try and appease them and not put them on the defensive. At least, that's the only reason I can some up with as to why he was so nice to them in this first email.

The response from my parents wasn't as nice, but it wasn't too bad either.

I received your reasonable letter, most of which I agreed with. There is much, however, that was left out. I will try to correct that, as well as misconceptions Swiggy offered in her phone conversation Friday night.

Despite my original misgivings about the strain of such a long trip and the effects of the altitude (I had underestimated the latter), I thought it was a successful visit. We certainly, with patience and tolerance, sought to make it so. But there were increasing strains. I know I lost my temper at the restaurant when Swiggy asked me why The Witch was not ordering a meal (she had eaten ice cream an hour earlier), and Swiggy wanted to know if The Witch had done this "intentionally," as if Swiggy thought The Witch was purposely trying to ruin Swiggy's concept of a family dinner. I replied intemperately (for me) and asked Swiggy, "What's it to you?"

There were other strains, but the shouting over getting lost and Swiggy's sarcastic "apology" were the last straw for me. Swiggy was wrong to think that The Witch made the decision to leave. You may recall that I told you that we were leaving. At that time, The Witch was in the bathroom. She and I had not discussed this move. When she was told that I was downstairs, she called down to ask what I was doing and she was surprised when I said "Packing." She did not reject my decision. I think that she was in a state of shock. I have no doubt that this accounts for her stunned departure without saying goodby to the Monkey, who was crying in the bathroom, having refused to kiss me goodby or to shake my hand. The Witch says that when we got in the car, she did wave goodby to the Monkey.

I may have been wrong, but I saw nothing good and everything bad coming from a situation that had become intolerable to all concerned. I believed that a line had to be drawn against utterly unacceptable behavior on the part of a daughter towards her mother. Just as you feel that you must protect Swiggy, I feel the same way about The Witch. I feel bad about my decision, but I know I did the right thing.

I hope this will clarify for you and expecially for Swiggy the course of events.

Some things Swiggy said cannot be forgotten--particularly her telling The Witch that leaving without saying goodby was "a new low even for you." What "lows"? The Witch is a most loving and generous person. Swiggy's denial of these facts and her false view of her own mother's character are most hurtful. The result is that The Witch does not believe that Swiggy loves her or cares about her, and The Witch has never forgotten Swiggy's lack of compassion in not coming to be with her when she had a life-threatening stroke.

Finally, so as not to let money cloud any issues, we have decided that on our death we shall leave our money to charity. I thought you ought to know that these arrangements are being made in the event that knowing this may influence your own decisions.

The Doormat

Aaagh. Where to begin! I guess I'll let Hubby's reply convey how I feel. That will be my next post.

The visit from hell

I said “I have also been shut out by my aparents (again - more on that another time, maybe) ”.

I’ve decided to share – I’m sure you’ve just been sitting on the edge of your seat for the last month or so, right?

My parents came all the way from Vermont to Colorado two weeks after the baby was born. It was supposed to be three weeks after he was born, but he was a week late. I couldn’t believe that they had actually made it, considering that not two days before they were supposed to leave they called to tell me that they weren’t going to make the trip. Something about The Witch's health … yada yada. As soon as I saw on the caller ID who it was I knew exactly what the phone call was going to be about so I kind of tuned out since I was expecting it anyway.

Even though I knew what the phone call was going to be about, I was still pretty upset that they were flaking on me, again! This would have been the third time that they said (and had actually made flight arrangements) that they were going to visit and then not actually show up. So, imagine my surprise when they called the next day to say that they were going to come. I had actually gotten used to the idea of them not coming (and was somewhat relieved) that I was now upset that they were coming – give me a break, my son wasn’t even two weeks old yet, you try dealing with that type of roller coaster in those conditions.

They were supposed to be here for 6 days. It was like walking on eggshells the moment they arrived (two hours late – The Witch's response to that was “see, I knew the trip was going to be a disaster”. There’s no pleasing her). I tried really hard not to let her picking about this, that, and the other thing get to me. I thought things were going ok. That is, until the afternoon before they were supposed to leave.

As with my first child, nursing with my second child did not go as planned. In fact, it was completely frustrating me. The Witch thought that the best way to support this frustration was to immediately say “why don’t you just forget about it. You weren’t breastfed, and you turned out fine.” Yes, I wasn’t breastfed and I managed to survive. But, I would hardly say that I turned out fine. Hubby is always saying that I’m one of the sickliest (is that even a word?) people he knows. Before I had my tonsils out last year I was always coming down with one thing or another.

After this wonderful support she provided, she then went on to advise me how to use the check that she had given to me as a gift. She wanted me to use the money to take some more time off from work. Yes Mom, that sounds great! Let’s forget about the fact that I’m only allowed to take so much time off from work without losing my job altogether, but the amount she gave would hardly cover a few days off and I was already taking almost three weeks off unpaid. Also, I thought the money was a gift! My response to this “suggestion” was to tell her that I was planning on using it to pay for formula since it wasn’t looking like nursing was going to work out. She took this to mean that if she hadn’t given me the money I was going to let him starve. Come on! Give me a little credit will you. This money just meant that I could use it instead of getting into more debt just to feed our child.

Anyway, as wonderful as this exchange sounds, it isn’t even close to what made it the visit from hell, leading to me never wanting to speak to them again.

The afternoon before they were supposed to leave they went out for a drive to view the beautiful scenery we have here. I told them if they got lost to give me a call and I’d try to help, but could they please please please be home by 4:30? You see, we were supposed to go out to dinner – all of us, including the kids. If my 5 year old does not eat by 5 o’clock he starts to lose his shit and can’t be controlled no matter what we do.

At 4 o’clock they called and asked if they could be a little late – they wanted to drive through one of the gorgeous city parks. I held my tongue and said sure! Even though I had already woken the baby up to feed him before we went out to make sure he was able to sleep through our meal. Also, I knew that the drive to, through, and back from this park was going to take way more than 30 minutes and I would have to feed my 5 year old before we left for the restaurant.

At 5 o’clock they still weren’t back.

They called at 5:30 because they were lost and needed directions.

I was trying to give directions to The Witch and asked her a question about whether she just wanted to us to come and meet them. She didn’t answer. So, I assumed that she wasn’t able to hear me and started yelling into the phone (granted, I probably should not have started yelling, but I was getting annoyed).

She heard the yelling and took this as the biggest insult of all time. How dare I yell at her for no reason (!!!). She started yelling back, in her god awful shrill voice. So, I then started really yelling at her because I couldn’t take it anymore. I was still trying to give directions, but they weren’t following them or paying attention to what direction they had just followed.

Somehow they made it back to the house and I apologized for yelling. The Witch said that she was not going to accept my apology, which made me even angrier. To avoid yelling even more I went upstairs to cool down.

Apparently, while I was up there, my 5 year old told my amother not to yell at me (go, Monkey!). That sent The Witch right over the edge and she snapped at him to not talk to her like that. My husband got involved. One thing led to another, which ended with them storming out of the house with their suitcases.

They left without saying goodbye to either me or their two grandsons.

Hubby sent them a rather polite email essentially asking what the hell happened. A somewhat rude email was returned by The Doormat. After this was received, Hubby fired off another email that ripped them to shreds. After it was received by The Witch she called and left a message saying that if I agree with anything that was written in that letter I could assume that I was no longer part of their family and to not bother contacting them again. Since I approved the content of the letter before it was sent, I haven’t called them. I’m guessing they think I know nothing of the letter because since then I have been receiving copies of it in mine and my husbands joint email account (the only one they know how to reach me at).

The next post shows the progression of the letters.

Cast of Characters

To avoid any confusion in upcoming posts I'm going to give you a cheatsheet of who's who.

The Witch = my adoptive mother
The Doormat = my adoptive father
Monkey = my five year old son
Chipmunk = my new son (five months next week)
Hubby = my husband (obviously)
Swiggy = myself (it will be obvious why I would need to refer to myself in another post)
Jerk = my adoptive brother
E = someone who was like a mother to me growing up

I think that's all, I'll let you know if any more pop up.


For those of you who followed me from my old site, welcome. New posts will be up shortly.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Who needs friends anyway?

I live in a place where making friends is difficult, to say the least. If you don’t belong to a church or are not a stay at home mother (it’s preferable if both apply to you) it’s not likely that you’ll be making any new friends any time soon.

I am what most people around here consider a heathen. And, in their opinion, I will be going straight to hell upon my death. So, no, I do not belong to a church.

I make more than two times what my husband does (which is not very much at all). So, no, I can’t afford to stay home with my kids – as much as I would like to.

With these very dark marks against me, I have very few friends. Add to that the fact that I am extremely shy when I meet new people (to the point that they think that I’m a stuck up snob) and I haven’t been able to make a new friend in a very long time.

So, I tend to cherish the very few friends I do have.

I have two close friends left from my previous, pre-married life. I love them both, but I don’t get to see either of them since I live two thousand miles away.

I really only have one close local friend, or at least I thought I did.

I feel like she is purposely trying to get me out of her life. She’s never been the one to make the initial contact and I just thought it was because she was so busy. Every time I would call her to make plans or just to talk she would respond with “oh, I was just about to call you”. I didn’t realize how annoying this was until one of the calls I made a few months ago.

She’s a stay at home mother. I was on maternity leave for the whole summer. Not once did she call me to see how I was doing. Even though this was extremely hurtful to me, a week before I was scheduled to go back to work I called her with the intention of asking her to go to lunch with me. I knew all of her kids would be in school and I wouldn’t have another opportunity to do such a thing once I did go back to work full-time. Before I even got a chance to ask her she gave me her normal response of “oh, I was just about to call you”. But then, her husband came home for some reason or another and she said that she had to go but that she would call me back later on that day. That call never came.

I called and left a few messages, but never heard anything back until I received an email from her inviting me to one of her friends’ baby showers. Emails were exchanged, and somehow plans were made for us to go see a movie. I left it up to her to let me know when would be good for her since she seemed far busier than me. She never got back to me.

The last time I heard from her was in another email inviting my family (along with a few others) to her husbands 35th birthday get together. We couldn’t attend, nor did I want to at this point.

In addition to her being a stay at home mother, she and her family are ultra religious. I wouldn’t say that they are zealots or anything, but I’m beginning to think that these differences are too much for her to get over. Because without them I couldn’t understand why she would be acting like this. I don’t think that I’ve done anything to make her want to get me out of her life, but then again I could be wrong. Although, I hope I would remember being so awful to a person that they don’t want to be around me.

I’m beginning to resent being the one to initiate contact, and then being blown off as if I’m annoying her. Also, I’m beginning to feel like I’m being a burden to her and she doesn’t see the friendship the same way that I do, even though she has referred to me as her 7th sister in the past.

I’m at a loss as to what to do. Hubby wants me to forget about her since she’s obviously not interested in being friends. I want to try and salvage what I can since she’s the only person I have outside of work and my husband. Am I just kidding myself? Should I take her signals for what they appear to be and move on?

We’ve lived here on and off for ten years. My husband has friends through school (he graduated over a year ago) and work. Obviously, it’s time for me to make new friends regardless of whatever happens with her.

I’d like to meet people who are in the same boat as me – mothers who work a regular 9-5. I’m not even all that concerned about their religious beliefs, though it would be nice if we could go out for a drink (of the alcoholic variety) every once in a while, but even that isn’t necessary. I’ve joined the PTA, though I’m only meeting mothers who stay home with their kids. As I’ve already mentioned, I’m a heathen so I’m not about to join a church just to make friends. Besides, I think Hubby might ask for a divorce if that were to happen.

So, what’s a girl to do?

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Get me a Ouija Board

I channeled Swistle last night.

Although it would have been better had I been at Target, it was almost just as good.

You see, I’ve been trying to get out of the house to buy a dress for a wedding I’m going to next month. This wedding is going to be on the beach, in the Caribbean, the day before Thanksgiving (go ahead, kill me now). Due to this, I needed a nice summery dress. Summer normally ends where I live in the beginning of September, so I knew I was pushing the envelope. Because, with summer ending that meant that the summer wardrobe would be leaving store shelves (if it hadn’t already) to be replaced by comfy sweaters.

I was stressing about not being able to find a dress, even though I hadn’t tried to look for one.

I went shopping last night after work, not to look for the dress (because, apparently I enjoy stressing about something that I can easily solve).

No, I went to Kohls to replace the broken
over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders (what, you don’t buy your bras at Kohls? Go easy on me, they were having a sale). After procuring non-broken bras, I wandered over to the section that covers the rest of my body to look for more work shirts (not before checking out the sale that was going on in the baby clothes section – it’s like kryptonite to me).

That’s when I looked at the clearance rack. I never look at the clearance rack, mainly because by the time I get there my size is either gone or what is in my size is horrendous.

That’s when I saw two dresses that would be perfect for the beach wedding. They were 70% off, bringing them to $16 each. And, they were in my size! I bought both of them, because I’m that indecisive and, hey, they were $16.

Swistle would be so proud

Friday, October 3, 2008

Bra's Suck!

I removed my bra while I was driving at 55mph. What? The underwire snapped and it was pinching me - I just wonder what the guy in the truck next to me was thinking.

When I got home to put on a new one before heading out again, the one I put on was also broken.

The only clean one left is a nursing bra.

That’s right! I haven’t nursed in over two months, but I’m wearing a nursing bra - and boy let me tell ya, it comfy (not)!

Friday, September 26, 2008

Snip Snip, part 2

The 4th was just over three weeks ago.

After hashing it out some more, Hubby went ahead with the
Snip. We both decided that it was the best decision for us.

We discussed how I thought that he would be okay with another one given his reaction to the possibility that I was pregnant again. He said that he wanted to completely go ape shit. He said that he didn’t because if I really was pregnant and he lost it, how would that make me feel? Kind of like when two teenagers realize that they are about to become parents and the guy proposes out of some sort of twisted feeling of responsibility. That made me think, “Holy shit, he really doesn’t want another child, but if I convince him to have one he’ll go along with it but then our relationship will be doomed from then on”.

So, I told him that I was set with the two children we have and to go ahead with it.

Now, according to him, we have to have sex (still protected) another god knows how many times to get the still living swimmers out of his system. Originally, the number of times was a much smaller amount, but had drastically changed after the follow-up visit with his doctor – hmmmm, do you think that this is men banding together to get more sex out of their wives?

So, unless some freaky failure of our current form of birth control happens, we will be a three child household. Oops, I mean two child household – Hubby doesn’t count, does he?

The 4th was just over three weeks ago.

After hashing it out some more, Hubby went ahead with the
Snip. We both decided that it was the best decision for us.

We discussed how I thought that he would be okay with another one given his reaction to the possibility that I was pregnant again. He said that he wanted to completely go ape shit. He said that he didn’t because if I really was pregnant and he lost it, how would that make me feel? Kind of like when two teenagers realize that they are about to become parents and the guy proposes out of some sort of twisted feeling of responsibility. That made me think, “Holy shit, he really doesn’t want another child, but if I convince him to have one he’ll go along with it but then our relationship will be doomed from then on”.

So, I told him that I was set with the two children we have and to go ahead with it.

Now, according to him, we have to have sex (still protected) another god knows how many times to get the still living swimmers out of his system. Originally, the number of times was a much smaller amount, but had drastically changed after the follow-up visit with his doctor – hmmmm, do you think that this is men banding together to get more sex out of their wives?

So, unless some freaky failure of our current form of birth control happens, we will be a three child household. Oops, I mean two child household – Hubby doesn’t count, does he?

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Snip Snip

Ok, I know I’ve not posted in … oh, I don’t know how long it’s been, but it’s been a LONG time. I also have a ton of people I need to email, but I can’t get motivated to do that either. I’ve been dealing with some serious baby blues (if not full on PPD). And, to be quite honest, I hate apologizing for not posting. So, I’m going to say that posting is not a priority at the moment and apologies will not be made.

Moving on.

I need help with something.

As you may have guessed, I had a baby about three months ago. I have also been shut out by my aparents (
again - more on that another time, maybe) which is why I’m turning to the internets for advice - I have no one else to go to.

Anyway, the pregnancy went ok. Not great (definitely not as easy as my first), but ok. There were a couple of OMG moments, but they were easily dealt with. Actually, these moments were more me freaking out and getting stressed over what turned out to be nothing.

However, the birth is a whole other story. In the end, I had to have an emergency C-section which left me thinking as they rolled me into the operating room that I never wanted to have another child. I had every bad scenario running through my head, most of them leaving my children motherless and my husband without a wife. For those of you who want a detailed description of what it was close to being like, go

While I was still pregnant Hubby and I had decided not to find out if it were a boy or a girl. Before the baby was born we had said that if it were a girl we would be done having children. If it were a boy, we would probably have another child to possibly try for a girl.

I was convinced it was a girl. He was convinced it was a girl. The
Magic 8 Ball said it was a girl.

I had a boy.

He’s wonderful!

He spent a few days in the NICU, and was on oxygen for 11 weeks. Nights are a little harder than I thought they would be at this stage, but they’ve never been
this bad. Breastfeeding was a huge disaster, as it was with our first child. But, apart from that, he’s pretty healthy.

After having some time to reflect on the pregnancy and birth, I’m not sure if I’m done having children. I’m 80% sure I’m done, but not 100% sure.

Hubby says he’s pretty sure he’s done, but the reasons he gives make it sound like he wouldn’t mind having another one. He’s 33 and I’m 31. He says he doesn’t want to have a child who’s still at home when he’s in his 60’s. I understand that. For him to have a child at home while he’s in his 60’s would mean that we would have another child 10 years from now - trust me, I do not want that either. The five years between our two sons is a huge age difference as it is, and I do not want to be pregnant when I’m 40 anyway (if it would even be possible). He also says that we don’t have the finances to support another child. Right now, that’s true. But, in a year or two when we’re doing better financially what will his take be on things then?

Ok, now for a little bit too much information.

About five weeks ago, I knew for sure that I had ovulated for the first time since giving birth. I also knew that we had had (protected) sex a few hours before. So, when I didn’t get my period two weeks later like was supposed to happen, we just assumed that the protection had failed and I was pregnant again. We were both mostly ok with this. Yes, it was a bit too soon since the birth of our second son. And, yes, it would mean that once the child was born I would have to be unemployed because of silly FMLA laws. But we were both prepared to deal with that. Two more weeks went by before I eventually did get my period, which meant that I had either been really late (unlikely for me - I’m usually on time or early) or had had a miscarriage. Either way, I’m not pregnant now.

Here’s where your advice comes in.

Hubby is scheduled for a vasectomy on the 4th. He says he’ll cancel it if I want him to. But I’m not sure if I do. I’m happy with my two boys. I’m pretty sure I don’t want another one, but like I said not 100% sure. I also don’t know if I want the option to be completely gone in less than a week. The surgeon says that the procedure is reversible 90-95% of the time, with a 50% chance of his fertility going back to what it was before. Those odds are not good.

Should I have him postpone the surgery? Should he go ahead with it anyway? Here’s how I look at it. If he’s sure that he doesn’t want any more children, then all the talking in the world isn’t going to change that and he should go ahead with it - right?

I know you can’t make my mind up for me, but any advice or information you have would be great.