Wednesday, October 29, 2008
You see, we're going to St. Thomas in a few weeks. We've been preparing Chipmunk's bottles with warmer than warm tap water since he was about four weeks old - even though we had sworn to ourselves that we wouldn't do that if we ever had another child who needed to have formula when the Monkey was a baby. The Monkey liked his bottles scalding hot - which, by the way, is a pain in the ass when you leave the house and his bottles were made ahead of time with boiled water (yeah, we've thrown caution to the wind this time around - doesn't the second child always get the shaft? We're even using generic formula (gasp!)).
Anyway, we thought that using warmer than warm tap water would be ok since that would be available whereever we went. We've known since before the Chipmunk was born that we would be going to St. Thomas next month, I guess we just never thought that the tap water there would not be drinkable (at least that's what we've been told). So, to avoid a miserable vacation with him refusing to eat (which might happen anyway), we started giving him room temperature bottles this past weekend since we will be using bottled water to prepare his bottles while in St. Thomas. We don't want to use a bottle warmer - which was how we got the Monkey's bottles so scalding hot - because of the whole BPA issue.
To say the Chipmunk doesn't like them is an understatement - he is more than pissed. He went fourteen and a half hours on Sunday without a drop. He woke up four or five times last night (I lost count) and refused to eat anything except for one of those times.
Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, I'm the only one in this house that he'll let feed him so I don't get to share the sleep deprivation with Hubby.
I know if we keep at it he should eventually get used to it - right? At least that's what I need to keep telling myself. Otherwise, we're doomed.
Unrelated - I voted today. Unfortunately, Ted Haggard was right in front of me. I'm pretty confident we cancelled out each others votes. This wouldn't be so bad, except he brought his entire family that is of voting age with him. I'm guessing his family voted similar to him.
Yep, we're doomed.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
First, let me say thank you for your reply, however there are some things I feel I must say in response. Maybe I will even enlighten you to some facts.Second. I want to make this absolutely clear. These are solely my views and opinions. I do NOT speak for Swiggy.
I don't much care what you two think of me, it has been quite apparent from the beginning that you have never liked me - at least The Witch hasn't, and I suspect that opinion will diminish further after you read this. Perhaps this is because I have helped Swiggy to not be afraid of her mother. My only regret is that I did not make my voice clearer to you several years ago.
Your money has never been a concern for us. Certainly I have never been entitled to a penny. It is, and always will be, yours to do with what you want. Maybe you do not understand this as you have money, but while you were here the Doormat kept asking why Swiggy was so intent on breastfeeding - money is a big factor - formula is expensive. However, it is also because breast milk is best for the baby, as well as the added benefit that breastfeeding aids the mothers recovery. The Witch kept asking why Swiggy is not going to be taking more time off of work. The answer there is two-fold. Money, and she has a boss and is only allowed so much time off of work. These facts have been expressed, even before you came, yet you are still both unable to grasp the reality that most people live in.
Since you brought up money I think it is worth making you aware of the following. My parents very generously, without needing to be asked, re-mortgaged their home to help us out of a financial mess some years ago. We still owe them a considerable sum. Swiggy had asked The Witch for help. The Witch refused and said "Life is supposed to be hard at your age". Doesn't that just epitomize "a most loving and generous person"? So no surprises that Swiggy is not getting anything once The Witch passes. Strange how I never heard any stories about The Jerk being made to suffer, or how his life was ever supposed to be hard. I guess you forgot to tell me those ones.
Besides, we were under the impression Swiggy had been written out of the will several years ago anyway. The Witch had told us as much.
Swiggy never expected money from you. All she ever wanted, indeed still wants, is for you to give her some love, attention and affection - unfortunately The Jerk got all of the above, and he also got the financial aid.
I think giving your money to charity is a great idea. Might I make a suggestion as to which one? Should Swiggy not be able to breast-feed The Chipmunk, and that is looking increasingly likely thanks in no small part to the added stress you have put on her since your unusual departure, I will need a second, maybe third, job. Formula is not cheap. We are OK with this. We got ourselves into this financial quagmire, and, with the help of friends and my family, we will get ourselves out. It just means that myself, The Monkey and The Chipmunk will continue shopping at Goodwill and Swiggy will not buy any new clothes for the fourth year in a row. If only she had some "compassionate, loving and generous" family members to assist. Sorry, I digress. Do not make Goodwill your charity lest Swiggy actually benefit. Perhaps the Humane Society would be a good choice. The Witch always has liked animals. Perhaps that is because they will not talk back to her.
It is you who is mistaken as to who initiated your leaving. After The Witch shouted at The Monkey,(Personally I think that is her new low spot, (I will get to some more later) and an apology for that is needed, but it does give me an insight into Swiggys' childhood) and I told The Witch to "Leave him out of it as he is only Five, or else I will get involved" she promptly stood up and said " That is it, we are leaving, I am not taking any more of this" She proceeded to the bathroom, and you went downstairs to pack. So I suppose, technically, it was my doing that led to your leaving. (Unsurprisingly yours and The Witchs recollection are of course different) What happened in the basement after wards may very well fit your description of events, but It was 100% The Witchs' comment that put you on the path you followed. The Witch never has been able to take criticism from me - perhaps that is because I do not yield to bullies.
Even though The Monkey was crying and would not shake your hand (He is Five remember and was very confused) he does remember you saying goodbye to him and we both remember you waving from the car. I guess the stress of being shouted at by his Grandmother was too much for his little heart to handle. Can you blame him? You should both know that he sobbed when you left. He did not want you to leave. Did you hear The Witchs' first words when she saw The Monkey? "He is quiet, that is good." Little boys should be seen and not heard I suppose.
I take it from your statement that The Witch was "still stunned" when you left that you did not hear what she said to me while I was emptying your car:
The Witch - "I am sorry I never had children"
Hubby - "What do you mean? You have Two"
The Witch - "No I don't, I don't know what that monster upstairs is"
What a very compassionate, loving and generous mother The Witch is! I doubt she will admit to that statement either.
Even if The Witch was stunned, she still, after calming down, could have returned and apologized ... now I see the error in my thought process. Apologize. The Witch. Nope. Prove me wrong. All she had to do was to say "Sorry" But I doubt she is capable of that emotion either. I have NEVER heard her say, or express in any way, that she has had any remorse for any of her actions. Ever. Prove me wrong.
It takes two to tango. Certainly there have been errors on our part, but I doubt The Witch would admit her errors. She certainly has never accepted an apology from Swiggy. You may recall she refused flowers Swiggy once sent as an apology. In her mind, The Witch can do no wrong. The mind of a delusioned, narcissistic individual for sure.
If you truly feel that the incident at the restaurant was "a strain" then you have a very low tolerance. As I mentioned in my earlier letter, perhaps a bit of compassion and empathy for a woman recovering from surgery and severe sleep deprivation should have been considered. And of course her hormones are all over the place right now.
Swiggy was simply asking a question as to whether The Witch had decided to consciously eat ice-cream instead of eating dinner. Nothing more, nothing less. Personally, I was a little upset as I really thought you would both have enjoyed eating at one of our favorite restaurants. So sorry if you read more into it than that.
I am actually surprised your tolerance is so low. I would have thought listening to The Witch's shrills (I have heard them many times myself) you would be thicker skinned. Perhaps that is why you won't install Air Conditioning in your office so that The Witch won't, and I quote, "Pester me!" Seems like a double standard to me.
What other "strains" do you refer to? With the exception of the obvious travelling and altitude you had to endure, we both have admitted the trip went well - up until the end.
I wonder if The Witch is jealous of Swiggy as she was unable to reproduce?
How can The Witch even begin to believe she is a good Mother? For that matter, how can you believe that The Witch is a good Mother. There are many more events that I have witnessed over the past 15 years that I could elaborate on to emphasize the point, but I don't need to. The only needed proof that she is a lousy mother is clear. If you deny everything else in this letter (and I am sure The Witch can manipulate the truth to make that the case), the following you cannot deny.
A good, or even mediocre, mother would not flat deny the possibility that an admitted molester could have done what he did to Swiggy. It is despicable. I had always held some hope that her view would change. I was naive. I semi-applaud you, Doormat, as you had always made it clear that you did not dis-believe Swiggy. But not The Witch. Never. Ever. It is now clear why she is good at forgiving the prodigal son - he can apparently do no-wrong. You should know that that breaks Swiggys' heart every single day.
The Witch didn't like being shouted at! Maybe she should try being molested and then being called a liar for it for 20 plus years. That is a wound that will never heal. Excuse us if we don't give The Witch pity.
Surely you figured that out by yourselves? Any decent parent would have.
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO TELL ME SHE IS A LOVING MOTHER. SHE IS NOT.
You talk of Swiggys' lack of compassion. First you are mistaken, she is extremely compassionate to those who deserve it. But even if you are correct, read those last few paragraphs again and then show me the woman who erred the greatest. And then wonder where Swiggy learned her so called lack of compassion from.
The Witch does not get Swiggy's respect simply because she is her Mother. She has to earn that respect. Does she even know Swiggy's birthday, age, or wedding anniversary? Any time she has been asked in the past she has gotten it wrong. What a loving Mother! That is the tip of a very deep iceberg. These may not seem important to you, but they are to Swiggy.
Not being there for some important and pivotal events in Swiggy's life is not the road to respect. Perhaps that is why Swiggy was not there for The Witch following her stroke. What is good for the Goose is good for the Gander. Perhaps The Witch now knows what it is like when the shoe is on the other foot. You will of course remember that we both bent over backwards to help out following your broken neck incident. Need I mention again The Witchs continued denial of Swiggy being molested. What a wonderful example of compassion. The Witch again leading by example. If you think Swiggy's behavior is worse than that, then you are both more shallow than even I thought possible.
In case you didn't know, a very big reason for us attempting to move to the East Coast 6 years ago was so that our children (if at that point we were to have any) would have at least one set of grandparents nearby. Swiggy always hoped her children would be treated better by you than she was. You may also have guessed that while you were here we were fishing to see if you two might consider retiring to Colorado for the same reason - you would have acclimated to the altitude given time. But now, I do not want to have my children go through the torments that Swiggy has gone through. Nothing they do will be good enough, no apology will ever be accepted, I will not have them spoken to in the same tone Swiggy is, I do not want to have to fix their hearts when they are broken as I have had to with Swiggy at least a dozen times, I could go on.
Rest assured that if I have my way The Witch will not see her Grandchildren again. I will not allow it. Unless, of course, she can admit that she has made some terrible errors, is completely sorry, and begs Swiggy for her forgiveness. And even then I will need convincing.
The door is slightly ajar for you, Doormat.
Unfortunately We now need to think of a way to tell The Monkey and The Chipmunk why they likely cannot see their grandparents who live in the same country. Ironically we will try to put a positive spin on it. I wonder if The Witch would have been so generous? Maybe we will say you are too busy with The Jerk to pay them any attention, that is after all what happened with Swiggy. Even E will admit that. Will you? And if so, you shouldn't be surprised of her feelings towards you.
Doormat, you have said to me over the years a few times that The Witch does love Swiggy. Funny how I have never heard her say that to me. Nor have I heard her tell Swiggy that. Moreover, even if she has said it, simply saying it is not enough, actions speak louder than words, and The Witch's actions have spoken volumes, but not in a good way. If only The Witch was half as good with her actions and emotions as she clearly is with her writing. She certainly has earned her respect in that field.
Let me clarify some of the "Low spots" you both seem bewildered about. When Swiggy talks of a low spot I believe she is referring to actions that are most un-parent like. Things that you should be sorry for and possibly ashamed of, but are not. Perhaps because to you they do not seem wrong.
- At the top of my list is the aforementioned grandmother shouting at her 5 year old grandchild incident.
- Not believing in any shape or form that Swiggy was molested, and then thinking that she lied about it.
- Not attending her High School graduation on the promise you would attend her College graduation.
- Not attending her College graduation because "Those things are not important to us" This seems selfish, and I expect inaccurate as I am sure you would have gone had it been the U of C. And if not that is still simply selfish.
- Not getting on a plane and coming to see us when you were already at the airport. You didn't even wait another 10 minutes to see if the airline resolved the problem (which it had). Again you broke her heart.
- When we drove to Chicago (my idea, as Swiggy was sobbing in the airport, afraid you would not get to see The Monkey) we were quite obviously made to feel un-welcome by The Witch. And then The Witch got mad at a then three year old Monkey for chasing the cat, The Witch responded by saying " I hope he gets scratched!" We spent the visit counting the days till we could leave. We didn't cry off on the next plane home as we wanted The Monkey to see his Grandparents.
- The Witch refusing the apology and flowers Swiggy sent her.
- The Witch refusing to EVER accept ANY of Swiggy's apologies.
- Getting mad at Swiggy after The Monkey was born for not driving down to where you live by herself to see you. Swiggy was still recovering from the birth. I did not want Swiggy to drive that far in her weakened state - and neither should you have. We could have come on a weekend, but The Witch did not want me to come.
- Not seeing The Monkey until he was over a year old when you lived only 3 hours away. That one still kills Swiggy.
- Thinking that Swiggy was simply "having fun" when my mother came to help for the first few weeks of The Monkey's life, and then conveniently forgetting that we had given you the choice as to when you wanted to come visit as my parents had to make travel plans.
- Not realising, still, that we have regular M-F 9-5 jobs and cannot simply go wherever we want, whenever we want. We both have superiors to report too.
- This next one is tricky as It involves our wedding. Which was in a beautiful setting. But it was marred by the fact that following Swiggy being told she could only invite so many people, which was fair since you were paying, to then find out there were a bunch of people at the wedding that The Witch had invited, some of whom we didn't even know! Even on Swiggys' special day The Witch was basically saying look at me, look what I have done. We have always said that one day we will get married again, and invite who WE want. Even if Swiggy had been asked about these additions there would have been no point her expressing her resentment.
- Not putting E on the top table at our wedding. I was embarrassed for her.
- Any time The Witch wants one of her "special chats" privately with Swiggy and then gives her dietary advice. The very last person anyone should take dietary advice from is The Witch - ice cream for dinner and cookies for breakfast, again leading by example.
Having listed those points I have no idea why Swiggy keeps coming back for more punishment. She is stronger than even I give her credit for. Perhaps she hopes that one day you will change, admit your errors, and start loving her with your actions. Starting with the molestation would be a good place to begin.
I would expect there are many, many more examples that Swiggy has, but they are some of mine. Do you now see some of the low spots? Do you yet blame yourselves, in any form, for the way Swiggy treats you? I doubt it. I expect you still think The Witch is compassionate, loving and generous. Simply saying it does not make it so.
Doormat, I wish you well in the future and hope that The Witch continues to make pointless online purchases to fill the empty void in her heart.
I absolutely understand you protecting The Witch, but I am at a complete loss as to why you defend her so heavily. Maybe you are blinded to the true horrors, simply don't care, are easily manipulated or something else. Whatever your reasons, of which I have no interest in knowing, I truly hope you feel you are making the right decisions with regards to your daughter, and that you can be at peace with those decisions.
As far as I am concerned my relationship with The Witch has ended. I want nothing more to do with her until she is mature enough to admit her shortcomings, apologize to her grandchild and starts treating her daughter the way she deserves to be treated. That will probably please her as she no longer needs to deal with me. She has also said in the past that she will not change. So I am not holding my breath.
If Swiggy wishes to continue her relationship with her parents then I will not stand in her way. She is a grown woman capable of making her own decisions. I just hope that you and The Witch do not hold my words against Swiggy.
You will also notice that I am sending you this email from my personal account and not from our joint account. This is so that I do not hurt Swiggy any more than she already has been. I did NOT tell Swiggy that her "compassionate, loving and generous mother" called her a Monster. The ball is in your court now. I emplore you to do the right thing.
As I said at the beginning these are my views, I do not speak for Swiggy. Hate me, not Swiggy.
PS I have an idea for The Witchs' new book. A woman who kills people by continuosly breaking their heart. She could make it her autobiography. Will there be a happy ending ...
Doormat and Witch,
We hope you had a safe trip home.
First let me say that, with the obvious exception of the final act, we did enjoy your visit with us.
It was absolutely wonderful to see you interacting with the Monkey and the Chipmunk. Hopefully you enjoyed it too. I know the Monkey enjoyed it as he is still talking about the fun he had playing on his laptop with you Witch, although he is a little upset that you didn't say goodbye. I was pleasantly surprised, and am happy to admit, any reservations I may have had for your visit were unfounded.
I felt that some important bridges were being built between you and Swiggy, and certainly that was needed following the tulmultuous history you have had.
So let me get to the final act. What happened?
I find it very hard to believe that your leaving was based solely on the shouting incident. I am sure you have both experienced surgical pain and lack of sleep. I am sure you have both experienced the resulting loss of normality that comes with such traumas. I cannot believe that you had no compassion or empathy with what Swiggy has been going through these last few weeks (but perhaps I am wrong). As a result I am a little confused as to why you did not accept her very heartfelt apology.
I am therefore left to believe that something must have happened whilst I was at work to sow-the-seed for this most unusual ending to an otherwise great visit.
I would very much like to know what event that could have been, and look forward to hearing your side of the story.
Obviously, he was blowing smoke up their asses to try and appease them and not put them on the defensive. At least, that's the only reason I can some up with as to why he was so nice to them in this first email.
The response from my parents wasn't as nice, but it wasn't too bad either.
I received your reasonable letter, most of which I agreed with. There is much, however, that was left out. I will try to correct that, as well as misconceptions Swiggy offered in her phone conversation Friday night.
Despite my original misgivings about the strain of such a long trip and the effects of the altitude (I had underestimated the latter), I thought it was a successful visit. We certainly, with patience and tolerance, sought to make it so. But there were increasing strains. I know I lost my temper at the restaurant when Swiggy asked me why The Witch was not ordering a meal (she had eaten ice cream an hour earlier), and Swiggy wanted to know if The Witch had done this "intentionally," as if Swiggy thought The Witch was purposely trying to ruin Swiggy's concept of a family dinner. I replied intemperately (for me) and asked Swiggy, "What's it to you?"
There were other strains, but the shouting over getting lost and Swiggy's sarcastic "apology" were the last straw for me. Swiggy was wrong to think that The Witch made the decision to leave. You may recall that I told you that we were leaving. At that time, The Witch was in the bathroom. She and I had not discussed this move. When she was told that I was downstairs, she called down to ask what I was doing and she was surprised when I said "Packing." She did not reject my decision. I think that she was in a state of shock. I have no doubt that this accounts for her stunned departure without saying goodby to the Monkey, who was crying in the bathroom, having refused to kiss me goodby or to shake my hand. The Witch says that when we got in the car, she did wave goodby to the Monkey.
I may have been wrong, but I saw nothing good and everything bad coming from a situation that had become intolerable to all concerned. I believed that a line had to be drawn against utterly unacceptable behavior on the part of a daughter towards her mother. Just as you feel that you must protect Swiggy, I feel the same way about The Witch. I feel bad about my decision, but I know I did the right thing.
I hope this will clarify for you and expecially for Swiggy the course of events.
Some things Swiggy said cannot be forgotten--particularly her telling The Witch that leaving without saying goodby was "a new low even for you." What "lows"? The Witch is a most loving and generous person. Swiggy's denial of these facts and her false view of her own mother's character are most hurtful. The result is that The Witch does not believe that Swiggy loves her or cares about her, and The Witch has never forgotten Swiggy's lack of compassion in not coming to be with her when she had a life-threatening stroke.
Finally, so as not to let money cloud any issues, we have decided that on our death we shall leave our money to charity. I thought you ought to know that these arrangements are being made in the event that knowing this may influence your own decisions.
Aaagh. Where to begin! I guess I'll let Hubby's reply convey how I feel. That will be my next post.
I’ve decided to share – I’m sure you’ve just been sitting on the edge of your seat for the last month or so, right?
My parents came all the way from Vermont to Colorado two weeks after the baby was born. It was supposed to be three weeks after he was born, but he was a week late. I couldn’t believe that they had actually made it, considering that not two days before they were supposed to leave they called to tell me that they weren’t going to make the trip. Something about The Witch's health … yada yada. As soon as I saw on the caller ID who it was I knew exactly what the phone call was going to be about so I kind of tuned out since I was expecting it anyway.
Even though I knew what the phone call was going to be about, I was still pretty upset that they were flaking on me, again! This would have been the third time that they said (and had actually made flight arrangements) that they were going to visit and then not actually show up. So, imagine my surprise when they called the next day to say that they were going to come. I had actually gotten used to the idea of them not coming (and was somewhat relieved) that I was now upset that they were coming – give me a break, my son wasn’t even two weeks old yet, you try dealing with that type of roller coaster in those conditions.
They were supposed to be here for 6 days. It was like walking on eggshells the moment they arrived (two hours late – The Witch's response to that was “see, I knew the trip was going to be a disaster”. There’s no pleasing her). I tried really hard not to let her picking about this, that, and the other thing get to me. I thought things were going ok. That is, until the afternoon before they were supposed to leave.
As with my first child, nursing with my second child did not go as planned. In fact, it was completely frustrating me. The Witch thought that the best way to support this frustration was to immediately say “why don’t you just forget about it. You weren’t breastfed, and you turned out fine.” Yes, I wasn’t breastfed and I managed to survive. But, I would hardly say that I turned out fine. Hubby is always saying that I’m one of the sickliest (is that even a word?) people he knows. Before I had my tonsils out last year I was always coming down with one thing or another.
After this wonderful support she provided, she then went on to advise me how to use the check that she had given to me as a gift. She wanted me to use the money to take some more time off from work. Yes Mom, that sounds great! Let’s forget about the fact that I’m only allowed to take so much time off from work without losing my job altogether, but the amount she gave would hardly cover a few days off and I was already taking almost three weeks off unpaid. Also, I thought the money was a gift! My response to this “suggestion” was to tell her that I was planning on using it to pay for formula since it wasn’t looking like nursing was going to work out. She took this to mean that if she hadn’t given me the money I was going to let him starve. Come on! Give me a little credit will you. This money just meant that I could use it instead of getting into more debt just to feed our child.
Anyway, as wonderful as this exchange sounds, it isn’t even close to what made it the visit from hell, leading to me never wanting to speak to them again.
The afternoon before they were supposed to leave they went out for a drive to view the beautiful scenery we have here. I told them if they got lost to give me a call and I’d try to help, but could they please please please be home by 4:30? You see, we were supposed to go out to dinner – all of us, including the kids. If my 5 year old does not eat by 5 o’clock he starts to lose his shit and can’t be controlled no matter what we do.
At 4 o’clock they called and asked if they could be a little late – they wanted to drive through one of the gorgeous city parks. I held my tongue and said sure! Even though I had already woken the baby up to feed him before we went out to make sure he was able to sleep through our meal. Also, I knew that the drive to, through, and back from this park was going to take way more than 30 minutes and I would have to feed my 5 year old before we left for the restaurant.
At 5 o’clock they still weren’t back.
They called at 5:30 because they were lost and needed directions.
I was trying to give directions to The Witch and asked her a question about whether she just wanted to us to come and meet them. She didn’t answer. So, I assumed that she wasn’t able to hear me and started yelling into the phone (granted, I probably should not have started yelling, but I was getting annoyed).
She heard the yelling and took this as the biggest insult of all time. How dare I yell at her for no reason (!!!). She started yelling back, in her god awful shrill voice. So, I then started really yelling at her because I couldn’t take it anymore. I was still trying to give directions, but they weren’t following them or paying attention to what direction they had just followed.
Somehow they made it back to the house and I apologized for yelling. The Witch said that she was not going to accept my apology, which made me even angrier. To avoid yelling even more I went upstairs to cool down.
Apparently, while I was up there, my 5 year old told my amother not to yell at me (go, Monkey!). That sent The Witch right over the edge and she snapped at him to not talk to her like that. My husband got involved. One thing led to another, which ended with them storming out of the house with their suitcases.
They left without saying goodbye to either me or their two grandsons.
Hubby sent them a rather polite email essentially asking what the hell happened. A somewhat rude email was returned by The Doormat. After this was received, Hubby fired off another email that ripped them to shreds. After it was received by The Witch she called and left a message saying that if I agree with anything that was written in that letter I could assume that I was no longer part of their family and to not bother contacting them again. Since I approved the content of the letter before it was sent, I haven’t called them. I’m guessing they think I know nothing of the letter because since then I have been receiving copies of it in mine and my husbands joint email account (the only one they know how to reach me at).
The next post shows the progression of the letters.
The Witch = my adoptive mother
The Doormat = my adoptive father
Monkey = my five year old son
Chipmunk = my new son (five months next week)
Hubby = my husband (obviously)
Swiggy = myself (it will be obvious why I would need to refer to myself in another post)
Jerk = my adoptive brother
E = someone who was like a mother to me growing up
I think that's all, I'll let you know if any more pop up.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
I am what most people around here consider a heathen. And, in their opinion, I will be going straight to hell upon my death. So, no, I do not belong to a church.
I make more than two times what my husband does (which is not very much at all). So, no, I can’t afford to stay home with my kids – as much as I would like to.
With these very dark marks against me, I have very few friends. Add to that the fact that I am extremely shy when I meet new people (to the point that they think that I’m a stuck up snob) and I haven’t been able to make a new friend in a very long time.
So, I tend to cherish the very few friends I do have.
I have two close friends left from my previous, pre-married life. I love them both, but I don’t get to see either of them since I live two thousand miles away.
I really only have one close local friend, or at least I thought I did.
I feel like she is purposely trying to get me out of her life. She’s never been the one to make the initial contact and I just thought it was because she was so busy. Every time I would call her to make plans or just to talk she would respond with “oh, I was just about to call you”. I didn’t realize how annoying this was until one of the calls I made a few months ago.
She’s a stay at home mother. I was on maternity leave for the whole summer. Not once did she call me to see how I was doing. Even though this was extremely hurtful to me, a week before I was scheduled to go back to work I called her with the intention of asking her to go to lunch with me. I knew all of her kids would be in school and I wouldn’t have another opportunity to do such a thing once I did go back to work full-time. Before I even got a chance to ask her she gave me her normal response of “oh, I was just about to call you”. But then, her husband came home for some reason or another and she said that she had to go but that she would call me back later on that day. That call never came.
I called and left a few messages, but never heard anything back until I received an email from her inviting me to one of her friends’ baby showers. Emails were exchanged, and somehow plans were made for us to go see a movie. I left it up to her to let me know when would be good for her since she seemed far busier than me. She never got back to me.
The last time I heard from her was in another email inviting my family (along with a few others) to her husbands 35th birthday get together. We couldn’t attend, nor did I want to at this point.
In addition to her being a stay at home mother, she and her family are ultra religious. I wouldn’t say that they are zealots or anything, but I’m beginning to think that these differences are too much for her to get over. Because without them I couldn’t understand why she would be acting like this. I don’t think that I’ve done anything to make her want to get me out of her life, but then again I could be wrong. Although, I hope I would remember being so awful to a person that they don’t want to be around me.
I’m beginning to resent being the one to initiate contact, and then being blown off as if I’m annoying her. Also, I’m beginning to feel like I’m being a burden to her and she doesn’t see the friendship the same way that I do, even though she has referred to me as her 7th sister in the past.
I’m at a loss as to what to do. Hubby wants me to forget about her since she’s obviously not interested in being friends. I want to try and salvage what I can since she’s the only person I have outside of work and my husband. Am I just kidding myself? Should I take her signals for what they appear to be and move on?
We’ve lived here on and off for ten years. My husband has friends through school (he graduated over a year ago) and work. Obviously, it’s time for me to make new friends regardless of whatever happens with her.
I’d like to meet people who are in the same boat as me – mothers who work a regular 9-5. I’m not even all that concerned about their religious beliefs, though it would be nice if we could go out for a drink (of the alcoholic variety) every once in a while, but even that isn’t necessary. I’ve joined the PTA, though I’m only meeting mothers who stay home with their kids. As I’ve already mentioned, I’m a heathen so I’m not about to join a church just to make friends. Besides, I think Hubby might ask for a divorce if that were to happen.
So, what’s a girl to do?
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Although it would have been better had I been at Target, it was almost just as good.
You see, I’ve been trying to get out of the house to buy a dress for a wedding I’m going to next month. This wedding is going to be on the beach, in the Caribbean, the day before Thanksgiving (go ahead, kill me now). Due to this, I needed a nice summery dress. Summer normally ends where I live in the beginning of September, so I knew I was pushing the envelope. Because, with summer ending that meant that the summer wardrobe would be leaving store shelves (if it hadn’t already) to be replaced by comfy sweaters.
I was stressing about not being able to find a dress, even though I hadn’t tried to look for one.
I went shopping last night after work, not to look for the dress (because, apparently I enjoy stressing about something that I can easily solve).
No, I went to Kohls to replace the broken over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders (what, you don’t buy your bras at Kohls? Go easy on me, they were having a sale). After procuring non-broken bras, I wandered over to the section that covers the rest of my body to look for more work shirts (not before checking out the sale that was going on in the baby clothes section – it’s like kryptonite to me).
That’s when I looked at the clearance rack. I never look at the clearance rack, mainly because by the time I get there my size is either gone or what is in my size is horrendous.
That’s when I saw two dresses that would be perfect for the beach wedding. They were 70% off, bringing them to $16 each. And, they were in my size! I bought both of them, because I’m that indecisive and, hey, they were $16.
Swistle would be so proud.
Friday, October 3, 2008
When I got home to put on a new one before heading out again, the one I put on was also broken.
The only clean one left is a nursing bra.
That’s right! I haven’t nursed in over two months, but I’m wearing a nursing bra - and boy let me tell ya, it comfy (not)!