Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Adventure's in motherhood. Or, you know, why I'm a horrible mother.

The Chipmunk woke up at 2am. 
I waited a little to see if he would go back to sleep, which he did after a little bit of on-again/off-again fussing - nothing major.  But then he woke up again.  I figured that since he had only had 15 ounces of formula yesterday (his normal is about 24) I should go in and try and feed him so we could both go back to sleep. 
I prepared the bottle and went into his room to change his diaper.
As I walked into his bedroom I smelled something foul.  Just to make sure it was coming from him (where else would it be coming from?  Hey, it was 2am, give me a break) I picked him up and took a whiff of his bum (shut up, you've done it too).  I nearly passed out from the smell. 

Realizing that I was going to need the wipes (ya think?) that were in our bedroom, I put him down and blood-curdling screaming ensued. 
Hmmm, that's weird.  Normally he just does a little more fussing until I return.  Oh well, he's probably just as upset as I am that he wasn't sleeping through the night (I've come to expect it now - I know, what was I thinking?), or at least that's what I think as I left the room (it's 2am people!).
After: procurement of said wipes, unzipping his sleep sack, and opening his pj's - I realize that I didn't hear the alert (danger! danger! blowout! blowout!) and that I would need to light on for this diaper change.  There was crap everywhere!
I begin cleaning him up, holding back my own vomit.  With every wipe comes an even louder blood-curdling scream.  The poor thing, who went to bed with a very dry, very white bum had the reddest, weltiest bum I had ever seen. 
Finally, Hubby hears what is going on and comes in to see what I'm doing to the Chipmunk to cause such screaming (why assume I'm doing something to him?  I don't think I've been known to abuse our children - especially in the middle of the night - no, I save the abuse for the daylight hours (kidding)). 
I thank god he's awake so he can get the diaper rash cream for me before I put a new diaper back on.  Also very thankful because now Hubby can change the sheet on the crib mattress I can't reach with one hand (you know, since screaming bloody murder baby won't let me put him down).
After the Chipmunk settles down he decides that yes, a bottle of milk would be great right about now.  Hubby goes back to sleep, and chug chug chug, so does the Chipmunk. 
Repeat at 5:30, except for the bottle and the going back to sleep.
At the 2am debacle it was already decided that the Chipmunk would not be attending daycare today.  Not fair on him, and definitely not fair on daycare lady (or, you know, the other parents who expect their kids to not come home with the bum plague).  And, because I used all of my paid time off last summer for my maternity leave, Hubby will be staying home with him.
However, before I leave for work, I make a trip to Walgreens for some Pedialyte. 
The bottle says to ask a doctor if giving to a kid under one. 
The Chipmunk is under one.
It's 6:30 in the morning at this point, the doctor's office is not open.  So, I opt for the next best thing - the pharmacist.  He says to give the baby a 50% Pedialyte and 50% water mixture for now, but call the doctor when the office opens.
Giving the mixture to the Chipmunk is easier said than done.
The Chipmunk is no fool.  Evidently, he knows the evil taste of Pedialyte before I am even able to get the bottle close to his mouth - forget about in it.
I let the Hubby know that I was not having any luck but I had to go to work and that I'd call the doctor's office at 8am.  Good luck!
I got a hold of the nurse practitioner as soon as possible.  She asks questions like:
    "How often is the diarrhea?"  Um, about every three hours.
    "Is he running a fever?"  I think so, he's awfully warm.  Tylenol did not help, but Motrin did.
    "Try not to give him Motrin."  Doh!
More conversation about what I can give him to eat and drink.  Blah, blah, blah.  If he's still not better within 48 hours bring him in, within 24 hours and still running a fever bring him in.
Then she asks:
    "Are his poo's bright green and unbelievably smelly?"  Um, yes.  And they were the consistency of cottage cheese yesterday.
    "Oh.  Bring him in today.  It sounds like it's the Rotavirus."  Um, ok.
Appointment is scheduled and Hubby is called with the time.
After the appointment, Hubby calls to tell me that it's not the dreaded Rotavirus, but that the Chipmunk has a double ear infection. 
Wha???  How is that possible?  I thought he had a stomach virus?  Nope. No clue what is up with the diarrhea and the welty bum.  So, she gave Hubby some stuff for the Chipmunk's welty bum, some soy formula to make his poo's more solid, and a prescription for an antibiotic
I mean, I know he's been tugging at his left ear on and off for about 10 days now, but that's all.  He's more or less been as happy as his normal eight month old self.
Oh right.  That.  Hmmm, I guess I should have paid more attention to that.  The poor thing has been suffering for almost two weeks and I completely ignored his way of telling me!
And that, my friends, is why I am a horrible mother. 
Email me and I can give you the address of where you can send my awards to.

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