I don't know what came over me in that last post.
Unfortunately, I made it seem like the Hubs cheated on me. That is absolutely not the case. Although, I do think I feel somewhat betrayed.
Actually, I'm so confused I don't know if I even know what I'm feeling.
I went to the doctor today and asked for medication to help me cope with what's going on. I was prescribed Lexapro and Xanax. I'm scared to take them. I feel like such a failure for not being able to get through this without putting chemicals in my body. Chemicals that will change the way my brain works. Also, once I start taking them I'll have to stay on them or risk even more problems.
The sooner I start taking them, the sooner they'll start helping. But, what if the worst is over and I can get through the rest without assistance? I hate having these "what ifs" floating around my head.
Sometimes I wish we all came with owners manuals.
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Psychiatric medication scares me too. It reminds me of how I feel about an epidural, and what I did with THAT is I waited until I was in so much pain from labor, the fear of the epidural was DWARFED by it. That's what I do psychiatrically, too: if I wait to be in enough mental pain, then the thought of taking medication isn't as scary.
ReplyDeleteForgot to say that the "as needed" medications such as Xanax are less scary to me that the ones where I have to build them up in my body and go off them gradually (like the Lexapro). Xanax is more like taking aspirin: it works for awhile, then wears off and it's gone. It makes most people feel mellow and calm, and can help keep your thoughts from getting all jangled when you have something you need to work through. And if it DOESN'T work that way for you, if it just makes you sleepy or muddled, then you just take a nap and it's gone when you wake up.
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