Sunday, October 26, 2008

Some of the letters

The following are the letters that were sent by Hubby after my parents stormed out of here a few months ago (names changed, go here for reference).

Doormat and Witch,

We hope you had a safe trip home.

First let me say that, with the obvious exception of the final act, we did enjoy your visit with us.

It was absolutely wonderful to see you interacting with the Monkey and the Chipmunk. Hopefully you enjoyed it too. I know the Monkey enjoyed it as he is still talking about the fun he had playing on his laptop with you Witch, although he is a little upset that you didn't say goodbye. I was pleasantly surprised, and am happy to admit, any reservations I may have had for your visit were unfounded.

I felt that some important bridges were being built between you and Swiggy, and certainly that was needed following the tulmultuous history you have had.

So let me get to the final act. What happened?

I find it very hard to believe that your leaving was based solely on the shouting incident. I am sure you have both experienced surgical pain and lack of sleep. I am sure you have both experienced the resulting loss of normality that comes with such traumas. I cannot believe that you had no compassion or empathy with what Swiggy has been going through these last few weeks (but perhaps I am wrong). As a result I am a little confused as to why you did not accept her very heartfelt apology.

I am therefore left to believe that something must have happened whilst I was at work to sow-the-seed for this most unusual ending to an otherwise great visit.

I would very much like to know what event that could have been, and look forward to hearing your side of the story.


Obviously, he was blowing smoke up their asses to try and appease them and not put them on the defensive. At least, that's the only reason I can some up with as to why he was so nice to them in this first email.

The response from my parents wasn't as nice, but it wasn't too bad either.

I received your reasonable letter, most of which I agreed with. There is much, however, that was left out. I will try to correct that, as well as misconceptions Swiggy offered in her phone conversation Friday night.

Despite my original misgivings about the strain of such a long trip and the effects of the altitude (I had underestimated the latter), I thought it was a successful visit. We certainly, with patience and tolerance, sought to make it so. But there were increasing strains. I know I lost my temper at the restaurant when Swiggy asked me why The Witch was not ordering a meal (she had eaten ice cream an hour earlier), and Swiggy wanted to know if The Witch had done this "intentionally," as if Swiggy thought The Witch was purposely trying to ruin Swiggy's concept of a family dinner. I replied intemperately (for me) and asked Swiggy, "What's it to you?"

There were other strains, but the shouting over getting lost and Swiggy's sarcastic "apology" were the last straw for me. Swiggy was wrong to think that The Witch made the decision to leave. You may recall that I told you that we were leaving. At that time, The Witch was in the bathroom. She and I had not discussed this move. When she was told that I was downstairs, she called down to ask what I was doing and she was surprised when I said "Packing." She did not reject my decision. I think that she was in a state of shock. I have no doubt that this accounts for her stunned departure without saying goodby to the Monkey, who was crying in the bathroom, having refused to kiss me goodby or to shake my hand. The Witch says that when we got in the car, she did wave goodby to the Monkey.

I may have been wrong, but I saw nothing good and everything bad coming from a situation that had become intolerable to all concerned. I believed that a line had to be drawn against utterly unacceptable behavior on the part of a daughter towards her mother. Just as you feel that you must protect Swiggy, I feel the same way about The Witch. I feel bad about my decision, but I know I did the right thing.

I hope this will clarify for you and expecially for Swiggy the course of events.

Some things Swiggy said cannot be forgotten--particularly her telling The Witch that leaving without saying goodby was "a new low even for you." What "lows"? The Witch is a most loving and generous person. Swiggy's denial of these facts and her false view of her own mother's character are most hurtful. The result is that The Witch does not believe that Swiggy loves her or cares about her, and The Witch has never forgotten Swiggy's lack of compassion in not coming to be with her when she had a life-threatening stroke.

Finally, so as not to let money cloud any issues, we have decided that on our death we shall leave our money to charity. I thought you ought to know that these arrangements are being made in the event that knowing this may influence your own decisions.

The Doormat

Aaagh. Where to begin! I guess I'll let Hubby's reply convey how I feel. That will be my next post.

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